Episode 7: Superheroes
Now!
A Holy Trinity adventure so big it would be ridiculously stupid to try to fit the whole thing in the intro!
Our story begins late one night...
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(Guhhhh...can't...sleep! Pillow...too...hot! Why...more reasonable temperature...when I had beard? Doesn't...make...sense!) |
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Ring! |
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Wh-wha...? Pie? |
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Ring! |
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...Hello...? ...Is that you, pie? |
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No...the woman of your dreams... |
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A woman made entirely of pie? |
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No. Listen...my organization provides the ultimate in pleasure products. |
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Dude...you're calling me in the middle of the night to sell me a dildo? |
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A wide variety of dildoes, with our special patented lubricant products... |
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Okay...okay, first thing...how the hell many of you MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURES are there?! Second, you can't express mystery, shadow, or any other aspect of your figure over the phone, dipshit. And third...the voice is a dead giveaway. You're...Stephen Hawking! |
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Blast. I am found out. |
Previously, on Holy Trinity Adventures...
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(Guhhhh...can't...sleep! Pillow...too...hot! Why...more reasonable temperature...when I had beard? Doesn't...make...sense!) |
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Ring! |
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Wh-wha...? Pie? |
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Ring! |
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...Hello...? ...Is that you, pie? |
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No...the woman of your dreams... |
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A woman made entirely of pie? |
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No. Listen...my organization provides the ultimate in pleasure products. |
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Dude...you're calling me in the middle of the night to sell me a dildo? |
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A wide variety of dildoes, with our special patented lubricant products... |
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Okay...okay, first thing...how the hell many of you MYSTERIOUSSHADOWYFIGURES are there?! Second, you can't express mystery, shadow, or any other aspect of your figure over the phone, dipshit. And third...the voice is a dead giveaway. You're...Stephen Hawking! |
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Blast. I am found out. |
And now...part 2!
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Trinity! I need your help! We must do battle against Stephen Hawking! |
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Brentai, ready to kick some ass! |
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Steve, ready to fuck some hats! |
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Stop that. |
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Pfah. You are too late and far too puny to stop me. |
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He's right! |
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Yes...we must unveil...our true power! Trinity Transform! |
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Brenteye, the wisecracking master marksman with no true superpowers, but unparalleled ability to banter well with supervillains! |
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Yellowjackass, the mentally unstable scientist! |
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Jesus, Thad, you're not done transforming yet? |
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What, you need, like, to go into a phone booth or something? |
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Ummmm, no...actually, I have to be refused access to a phone. Then I take off my glasses... |
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You wear contacts. |
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Right. So first I have to take out my contacts and put on glasses. |
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This is the stupidest thing I have ever fucking heard. And I collect erotic Smurf fiction. |
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Just humor me, guys. |
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... |
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...Okay, part one... |
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... |
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... |
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...Ummm, okay. Now...Hospitality?! All we wanted to do was to use your telephone, God dammit! A reasonable request, which you've chosen to ignore! |
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Uhhhhh...Now Thad, don't be ungrateful... |
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Ungrateful?! |
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Superasshole! |
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...Jesus Christ. |
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So, uhhhh...you...take out your contacts, put on glasses...re-enact the horse-brutality scene...take off your glasses...then change form...why are you our leader again? |
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You cast a guy in one seven-show run of Rocky Horror at Halloween... |
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Shut up. |
Can Superasshole, Brenteye, and Yellowjackass stop the terror of Stephen Hawking? And just where is Stephen Hawking, anyway? What the hell's up with supervillains just kinda hanging around while the superheroes bullshit for half an hour? Will Thad's Rocky cast get a theatre where they can perform every week? And why the hell is Thad the leader, anyway? ...And why, of all the Avengers, would he want to emulate Wonder Man? (Actually, that one's easy. Two words: Scarlet Witch.)
The answers to maybe one of these questions, two if you're really lucky, next time! Plus, the terror of Dr. Billy! Probably.
Original Posted 01.11.16