Earlier this year, Scott Goldberg started a Sonic club based mainly on the cartoon, and nearly begged Brent and me to join. By a bizarre (though not altogether surprising) fluke, the two of us turned out to be the only two who gave a rat's ass about what happened to the club.
The only other person who even routinely posted was Mandi "Midnight" Gordon, and even she only posted to an ongoing story she began which was her character's origin. The two big problems with her writing (one being that she had a predetermined plot, but refused to tell us what it was, the closest she ever came being to yell at us when we weren't managing to psychically follow it; the other being that she just flat-out couldn't write), however, brought us to the point where we took matters into our own hands.
You'll note her chapters are posted in "play-esque" format (or, as Brent dubbed it in honor of AQ's usage of the same format to relate personal experiences, AmaroqLine™); she put them like that herself, and I decided that correcting her spelling and syntax was bad enough without having to put it into a traditional narrative.
(One day, while on his chili dog break, Sonic hears a commotion in the trees above him.)
Sonic: What the...?
(Sonic speeds up the tree, just in time to see a black figure fall past him. Sonic runs back down to see a teenage cheetah with gargoyle wings, laying on the ground, totally out of it.)
Sonic: Uh oh.
(He contacts Sally, who gets there soon with Tails and Rotor.)
Sonic: She just fell out of the tree, Sal, and hasn't moved since.
Sally: Nicole, do you have any idea what she is?
Nicole: Processing...sorry, Sally, she is unknown to me.
(The cheetah moans and gets up. She sees the Freedom Fighters and is on her feet in an instant.)
Sonic: Whoa, chill. We won't hurt you.
Cheetah: Yeah, right.
Sally: Who are you?
Cheetah: Midnight.
Sally: Well, I'm Princess Sally Acorn, and this is Sonic Hedgehog.
Midnight: The fabled fastest thing alive?
Sonic: The one and only.
Midnight: I'm on a mission...and I have found who I was looking for.
- Midnight
[Editor's Note: There were some side conversations where HX leapt out and complained that Caps Lock was hurting his eyes, but I decided that's moot now since I fixed that note.]
All right, here goes.
Hedgehog X strolled through the Hidden Palace, as he was wont to do. Barging into Sally's room with scarcely a knock, he called the monarch's name.
"You're a tad late, Hedgie, my good rodent," came a voice.
HX raised an eyebrow, but nothing more. Years of experience had taught him better than to jump out of his skin at hearing a voice he hadn't expected.
"Well if it isn't the Blue Bomber," Hedgehog X muttered. "Back from that mission to Earth so soon?"
"But of course," Mega Man X replied. As an afterthought, he snapped, "And don't call me the 'Blue Bomber'. Sounds too damn warlike. Maybe my predecessor didn't mind, but I do."
"My apologies," HX said, bowing. "So where's Her Royal Highness?"
"She left five minutes ago, on call from Sonic," X responded.
"Harumph. Whaddaya think's up...?"
"You are the one who should know," X muttered, "after declining to join me."
"I have two psyches," HX reminded him, "and I wanted to spend a bit of time with Amanda...or have you forgotten that incident you had on the Negaintelligent planet...?!"
"Samus," X whispered, sorrow and regret in his synthesized voice.
[Editor's Note: It was supposed to happen in Dreams Distorted, but said saga never got that far.]
Several minutes of pained silence passed. Finally, Hedgehog X broke it with a swift change in subjects: "Let's go find Sally."
- X
"You're a credit to dementia!" - Lisa Simpson
As X started out the door he noticed HX didn't seem to be quite all there. He waved his hand in front of HX's eyes, snapped his fingers by his ears and finally shook him which rewarded X an express trip into the ground. X always forgot how Hedgehog X used gravity to his advantage.
"Stop it," HX growled.
"Ooooooookay, stopping..." X said, having no idea what HX thought he was doing, and went through the door. Hedgehog X turned sharply and followed through the door, but as he got under it he hopped suddenly, banged his head into the top of the door and collapsed into the ground.
"What the..." X murmured, and helped Hedgehog X to his feet. HX babbled for a minute, opened his eyes, and looked curiously at X, as if he were lost and confused.
"Who am I? Who are you?" he asked randomly.
"Oh no, you have amnesia and you need me to explain what I'm talking about in a silly and pointless recap of current events." He said it without feeling, because he knew what HX was up to.
"Oh, that would be nice," HX said, trailing off. X knew it was pointless to play games with Hedgehog X and gave in.
- Hedgehog X
<cackle cackle cackle>
"...so then, you strolled through the Hidden Palace, as you are wont to do. Barging into Sally's room with scarcely a knock, you called the monarch's name.
"'You're a tad late, Hedgie, my good rodent,' I sez.
"You raised an eyebrow, but nothing more. Years of experience have taught you better than to jump out of your skin at hearing a voice you haven't expected.
"'Well if it isn't the Blue Bomber,' you muttered. 'Back from that mission to Earth so soon?'
"'But of course,' I sez. As an afterthought, I added..."
"Shaddap," HX cut him off. "You don't need to recap to that degree."
"Fome," X said.
The author then returned his fingers to the proper position, causing X to say, "Fine," which made a lot more sense. "Damn Mac," he commented. "I'm still putting my fingers on the 'D' and 'K' by mistake, even though it was six hours ago."
[Editor's Note: I think that "he" refers to me, not X.]
The android looked rather hurt at the hedgehog's remark, and somehow managed to make his artificial lips pout.
(Mmmmm...pouting lips...ahhh, Sarah Howard...<stares at ceiling for indeterminable length of time, until A-Bombed by Brent>
"So let's go assist them already!" HX shouted, trying hard not to apologize for causing such a piteous sight.
"Sure," X said, cheering up. "Lemme just contact Nicole..."
"Blackjack" appropriately cranked up full-blast on each radio, X and HX skimmed the treetops of the Great Forest on their jetbikes.
[Editor's Note: "Blackjack" is the name of Setzer's first airship in Final Fantasy 6 (3 US), and thus, appropriately enough, also of the airship theme. Thus the appropriateness. (Yes, that is a word.)]
"Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh, duh-duh-duh-duh-duh..." the two sang in unison.
That is, until they were hit with large objects and crashed.
"It's a wonder you two fools didn't bring an entire army of SWAT and/or Stealth-Bots down on us," Sally muttered, more than a little exasperated.
"Thank God for rocks, eh?" Sonic said with a smirk. Just for good measure, he hit HX with another one.
"Will you knock it off?!" the perturbed squirrel* growled. "Our mission is of grave importance!"
"Such grave importance that you broke communication with a trusted friend over it...?!" X asked mildly.
Sally nodded gravely. "Who knows who might be listening in..."
"I know," X said. "Nobody. Unless you don't trust me..."
Sonic promptly changed the subject. "Yo, guys, this cat's name's Midnight. I think she'd better tell ya what's goin' on..."
- X
Your turn, Midnight. =)
* Thank Vince for that one...he once said I "looked like a perturbed squirrel" when imitating Dan Ewing...you know, the "show you my fingers" guy...
"Am I hearing voices in my head?" said HX.
"No!!!" Sonic, Sally and X all screamed, and hit him with rocks. HX was acting very suspicious today.
- Hedgehog X
"Rock."
Midnight: I'm a cheetahmorph, Sonic Hedgehog. And I'm on a mission from someplace not known about by many people, especially Robotnik. I found you guys and I would like to help. Unless you don't like all black seventeen-year-old female cheetahs with wings helping.
- Midnight
"Spill your guts, for cryin' out loud!" Hedgehog X screamed at the top of his lungs -- which is damn loud, considering he's a Child of the White Circle.
"Cheetahmorph...?" X wondered. "So you used to be something else...?" After all, he reasoned, why else would someone say "cheetahmorph"...or even say "I'm a cheetah" when he could clearly see that she was...?
"We're not on a mission at the present time," Sally said. "The best way you can help us is by telling us how we can help you."
- X
"Way to breathe, no-breath!" - Jimbo Jones
"Of course you can help," HX said with a grin (still rubbing his sores), "you're the reason we're playing this game."
Everyone near HX did a double take at him. Sally suddenly said, "Xavier, do you know something we don't?"
HX's grin suddenly disappeared and his demeanor was completely reversed. "Yeah," he snickered, "Two plus two."
"The ol' hog's acting weird!" Sonic said, trying to figure out what HX was babbling about. X suddenly looked worried and pulled Sonic off to the side.
[Editor's Note: Hee hee. Sudden image of Edgar pulling Locke away when he starts bugging Shadow in South Figaro. Or, for that matter, Sabin pulling Gau away after the latter caused Cyan to break down.]
"Sonic, there's something very wrong here," he whispered.
"You're telling me..."
"Before we left the Hidden Palace he pretended to have amnesia and asked me to tell him everything I knew. I went ahead and told him because I knew nothing."
"You still told him too much."
"You're starting to make me depressed."
"Sorry, keed."
"And I'm not a kid. Where was I?"
Sonic looked at X, "You were saying Hedgehog X is a spy."
"I didn't say...that."
"Something like it."
"Ha! He's right you know," butted in Sally, a reminder that X and Sonic weren't being as discreet as they should be. Then she looked intensely at X and said, "Our blood will spill because of you."
"Is the joke finished?" Hedgehog X said. All three suddenly turned around at the supposed "spy", who was smiling sarcastically and even a bit evilly, "So, what secret mission is this?"
Sonic gulped, then suddenly realized something very important, "Of course! We don't know either!"
X peered quizzically at Sonic, and Sally explained, "It's Midnight's mission. We're helping her."
"I thought she was helping us!" HX said.
"Oops, did I say that?" Midnight said sheepishly. "Well..."
- Hedgehog X
"We're not evil, just misunderstood." - My motto for the CoL, an evil organization on GemStone (and also LoC spelled backwards, eerily enough...)
(Midnight looks at the group, not wanting to tell her secret, not even to the princess.)
Midnight: I'm sorry, but my mission is private for now. All I can tell you is that I am here to help.
[Editor's Note: Just bouncing the ball back and forth...]
Sonic: What are you hiding sister?
Midnight: Some of the people I told aren't around anymore.
Sally: Midnight, we can't help you if you withhold information.
Midnight: I'm looking for someone. Where I come from, he was a great warrior, but somehow he came to be here. I don't know what he looks like because I was different at my home and so was he. I'm not a cheetah at all, and I never had wings. So I don't know what my mentor would look like.
Sonic: What was his name?
Midnight: His name is Duncan.
Sally: Duncan? Sonic do you remember any Duncan?
Sonic: Sorry, Sal, but Midnight looks like she can be trusted. Let's go back to Knothole!
[Editor's Note: Wasn't he the skeptical one a few lines ago?]
Midnight: Okay.
(Midnight watches as Sonic zooms off, takes off after him, and catches up with him in a split second. She smiles at him and then juices ahead of him.)
[Editor's Note: Urmmm, didn't she acknowledge him as "the fabled fastest thing alive" upon their meeting?]
- Midnight
Hedgehog X suddenly looked up at the sky.
"Uh oh," he said apprehensively.
"Huh? What?" Midnight said. X suddenly stopped what he was doing and looked up at the sky too. Suddenly a searing bolt of light ripped between X and Midnight and Hedgehog X, who seemed to be standing together for some reason. Hedgehog X mumbled and cursed a bit.
Midnight suddenly realized she wasn't anywhere near HX before and had become rather afraid of him, and backed away slowly. "Someone please tell me what's going on!!!" she screamed.
"So," X said, "what's the verdict this time?"
"Two against one," HX said, a grin suddenly breaking across his face. "You lose."
"Oh, shut up."
"Well, um, on with the quest. Where were we?"
X thumped HX, "I bet you wanna know!"
Hedgehog X rubbed his head, "Oh right, you were slipping into paranoia. Forgot."
- Hedgehog X
Ever been thumped by a large titanium man? Remember Lord Spiritfriend? <Cackle>
[Editor's Note: <Pouts> That's not funny. That bitch killed my friend, for God's sake, and yet I was the one dismissed as being disruptive and hysterical. That incident (well...that and the fact that those bastards started charging money to play GS3) is what made me lick my Drake Falchion until I bled to death...but then some bastard whose description sounded like that of Fizban/Zifnab decided to bring me back to life, which is always a downer when you commit suicide. =P]
"This is going nowhere!" X shouted. "We're supposed to let you help us, but we don't know what with. I'm going home." He beamed back to the Hidden Palace.
"Cool," Sonic said, stealing X's jetbike.
- X
(Midnight grabs Sonic's arm.)
Sonic: Hey, hands off the quills!
Midnight: No, someone is here.
(Midnight takes out a dragon-head Masamune katana.)
[Editor's Note: Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!]
Sonic: Hey, what's with the big knife?
Midnight: I am Madelyne Night!
(Midnight yells into thin air and a dark cloaked figure walks from the shadows. He has an English broadsword in his hands.)
Midnight: Who are you?
Figure: There can be only one!
- Midnight
[Editor's Note: Uh-oh...I smell something that begins with "M" and ends with "edian Effect"...]
HX rubbed his hands in that particular way villains rubbed their hands when something unprecedented and very fortunate happened. He suddenly piped up, "Hey! We might need X! I'll go back to the Hidden palace and try to coax him into coming back. Or at least picking up his jetbike."
Sally glanced at him, "Okay, be careful. And if you get caught, don't talk."
"Can I scream for mercy?"
Midnight grinned. "That would depend if you can scream loud enough for us to hear you."
Everyone in the near vicinity chuckled (except for HX, of course) and HX sped off.
Sally whispered in Sonic's ear, "I'm going to follow him on the jetbike. Somehow I don't think he's going back to the Hidden Palace."
"Good idea," Sonic whispered back. "I'll show Midnight 'round the ol' neighborhood."
"You be careful Sonic."
"Double for you," Sonic whispered back, having fought Hedgehog X once before (even though he wasn't quite himself at the time*) and not liking the experience at all.
Soon Sally was gone, and Sonic turned to Midnight and said, "Well, I suppose you'd like to see Knothole, eh?"
- Hedgehog X
*Da Story, Act 4. I think it counts...=)
[Editor's Note: Hee hee. He saw it now.]
"Damn, not again!" someone screamed from behind a bush. A flash of light shook the place, and Hedgehog X and Sally both suddenly appeared with their jetbikes (or with X's jetbike, in Sally's case), looking dazed, confused and annoyed. The figure glared at HX.
"You too?!" he said, rather madly, "There can be...only...ONE!" With that he lunged at HX, and was very surprised to be grabbed by him and thrown to the ground.
"What are you talking about?" HX snarled.
"So!" Midnight growled, and pointed her Masamune katana (or something like that) at HX. "You too!"
"You're bloody loonies!" HX screamed, "I'm leaving you fools!"
"Coward!" the figure called, "You have no honor!"
"Nope," HX grumbled, climbed onto his jetbike, and sped off. Sally shrugged and followed him.
The figure turned his head in the direction of the disappearing jetbikes, shrugged and turned to Midnight, "I'll deal with the freak later," it hissed, "Madelyne Night...let us dance!" Then he raised his broadsword to attack.
Sonic blinked.
- Hedgehog X
Hee hee hee.
(Midnight looks at the figure.)
Midnight: Who are you?!
Figure: Your worst nightmare. And, like that freak, I have no code of honor!
Midnight: Methos?! What are you doing here?!
Methos: Why, my dear Madelyne, I'm here for MacLeod!
Midnight: Why?
Methos: There can be only one, and it might as well be me!
Midnight: Methos, no! Duncan is our friend!
- Midnight
Unable to overcome the temptation, Sonic suddenly broke out singing:
"Fresh goes better
Methos freshest!
Fresh goes better..."
Methos introduced Sonic to his left hook, spitting as an afterthought, "Shut up, mortal."
"Mortal?" asked the muffled voice of Sonic talking into the ground. "What are you talking about?"
"Oh, so our dear friend Madelyne hasn't told you?" he cackled.
"Shut up Methos..." Midnight growled, pointing the katana at the hooded figure.
"Oh! A threat? You're such a violent little brute!" Methos hissed, hate trickling in his voice like syrup, "You need a lesson in manners, girl..."
Far from this unloving scene, Sally was getting fairly annoyed. Hedgehog X had turned "Blackjack" on so loud that even Sally (making it a point to stay out of the range of the jetbike's scanners) could hear it. She got the notion that he actually wanted to bring a swarm of SWAT-Bots down upon their heads. Soon they reached the Hidden Palace Zone, and Hedgehog X zoomed full speed into the watch zone.
Sally was still a little suspicious, and waited out of sight for a few minutes outside the watch area. A few minutes later Hedgehog X zoomed out, wearing a jacket he had rather taken a liking to.
"To make himself look different from Sonic," Sally muttered, hoping Hedgehog X hadn't detected her. She gave him a good start and followed after, heading straight for
Robotropolis, Sally noticed. She also noticed that HX was changing speeds often and following a rather erratic course. He was either making sure he wasn't being followed, or was trying to shake her off, or...was he just playing games with her?
- Hedgehog X
(Methos' British blood shows itself as he takes his hood off to show a distinct looking gray hedgehog. Midnight steps back and helps Sonic up.)
[Editor's Note: Okay, I know that first clause makes no frickin' sense, but it's a little better than "British accent", which is what she originally wrote.]
Midnight: Sonic, get Sally.
Sonic: What does he mean by "mortal"?
Midnight: I'll tell you later, if there is a later. Just get the princess!
- Midnight
"Why am I getting Sally?" Sonic asked.
"Would you shut up and go?!?!?!" Midnight screamed, pointing her katana at Sonic. Thinking she might be serious, he zoomed off in a hurry.
Midnight stared coldly at Methos and said, "You're taking Duncan over my dead body!"
"Yes," he said with a smirk, "I am."
Sonic raced as fast as he could, not realizing that Sally was a good ways away from Knothole by now...in Robotropolis.
Hedgehog X strolled nonchalantly up to an ominous black tower and waited for the door to open, the strolled into the tower without a trace of apprehension.
"Damn damn damn!" Sally muttered, hoping the SWAT-bots wouldn't hear her constant muttering and cursing. "He has full access to the tower! How did he get that? I need to follow him, but how...?"
Then Sally sighed with relief and found the perfect way in. Or so she thought.
"Ah, my good and trusted friend Robotnik," Hedgehog X said with a smirk. Snively didn't like the tone of HX's voice.
"Are you being sarcastic, hedgehog?" he tried to snicker, but his pathetic nasal voice only produced some irritating kind of sigh. Which was also what Snively wanted to do. Hedgehog X was trying to get Snively's job and it was obvious to everyone.
"Hmm...maybe." He grinned at Robotnik. "Remember that one we caught a few days ago?"
"The Highlander? The one from Earth?" Robotnik said.
"That's the one...Duncan," he said, and moved in to whisper even though there was no point to secrecy. "The Freedom Fighters have met a new friend who's looking for him. It sounds important."
"How so?"
"Because someone else wants to find him even more. A potential ally, I might add. His name is..." he grinned evilly, "Methos."
Up in the maintenance chamber, Sally couldn't believe what she was hearing. Not only was Hedgehog X telling everything, he was even considering enlisting the aid of another of their enemies.
"Where are they now?" Robotnik said.
"Well..." HX grinned. "I assume one will be dropping in any minute now..."
Suddenly a great shock of electricity coursed through the maintenance chamber, sending Sally flying through the wall and conveniently into the throne room/whatever. She was a little singed and bruised, but otherwise okay.
That'll change, thought HX deliciously.
Sally struggled to get up, but when she got in kneeling position she was suddenly sent sprawling to the ground by a swift kick to the head. Sonic was right, she thought, it isn't pleasant.
"Well well..." HX snickered. "Looks like the quarry was flushed out. Too bad," he stepped on Sally's neck, got closer and said, with evil trickling in his voice like syrup, "Will you tell this nice man where Knothole is?"
"Why?" she spat. "You probably already have!"
"Oh, no, it's a lot more fun to get it from a helpless Freedom Fighter." He said the last two words sarcastically as he could, which is pretty damn sarcastic.
Suddenly the door burst open and a voice said, "Sal! We gotta get out of..."
"You meddling bastard!" screamed Hedgehog X, and leapt for Sonic's throat...!
- Hedgehog X
"He's evilevilevil, in a nice friendly sort of way." - Someone on SCFA describing the new Griphis
(Sally looks at Robotnik and then hears a groan from a cell. She looks towards the cell to see a black-furred fox, with hair pulled back. He looks at Sally with piercing brown eyes, and then at Robotnik.)
Sally: Duncan?
Sonic: Sal, we got to get out of here!
Sally: We have to save Duncan!
Robotnik: I don't think so, Princess. This Highlander, as he calls himself, will make a wonderful bot, don't you think?
Duncan: Go to Hell!
(Sally never heard a Scottish accent so dull. Sonic gets mad and jumps at Hedgehog X. They start duking it out, when Midnight falls through a window. She lands on her butt in front of Robotnik.)
Duncan: Madelyne!
(Methos lands next to her.)
Methos: You were always a bad fighter.
- Midnight
"Methos!" Duncan growled. "Yoo hart won hair on thot gerl's head and I'll..."
"Nice cell you have there, 'MacClaud'!" he said, sarcastically mocking Duncan's accent. Suddenly Sonic flew by Methos and slammed into a nearby wall. Hedgehog X rubbed his sore back.
"It's just a tad crowded in here, don't you think?" HX growled. Robotnik nodded, and ordered a few SWAT-Bot squadrons to clear out the area. Sally frowned.
"Midnight, come on, we have to go," Sally called.
"Not without Duncan!"
"Midnight, we have to go now!"
Finally Sonic grabbed her arm and dragged her toward the exit to find that Methos was blocking it. "Oh," he said, "you're not going anywhere." He took a random swing with his broadsword, forcing them all to jump back.
"Ha!" HX said, "Told you he'd be useful."
"Oh, this is good," Robotnik said, rubbing his hands, "It seems they can't escape, for once." It was true. The Freedom Fighters were already surrounded. "Well, this could get a bit messy...hmm hmm. Why don't the three of us go celebrate?"
"I'm going to stay here," HX said, "in case any complications arrive."
Shrugging, Robotnik and Snively boarded a hoverpad and went off to do whatever villains do in their spare time. HX crossed his arms and leaned back.
"You are now prisoners of Robotnik," the SWAT-Bots announced in their standard monotone.
Methos glanced at Hedgehog X. "Do what you want with the mortals," he said, "but leave Midnight and Duncan to me."
HX shrugged and ordered the SWAT-Bots not to capture Midnight. However, the command wasn't finished before a few very well aimed bolts of liquid plasma rained down and annihilated the SWAT-bot squadrons.
[Editor's Note: Urmmm, Brent, "liquid plasma" is an oxymoron. It's the same as saying "liquid solid" or "liquid gas".]
"Okay, what are you doing here?" HX hissed at the robot who had suddenly appeared from wherever he was hiding.
"You, Sally, Sonic, Midnight, and that other guy all came here, so I thought I'd join the party," X said, smiling, then he added darkly, "Any last words, traitor?"
"Make you a deal," HX said as if he were still their friend. "Let me go and I'll let Duncan go."
"You'll do nothing of the sort!" screamed Methos. HX smiled and thrust his hand into the scanner, thereby opening the cell containing the Highlander. Everyone turned toward Methos, the thought of blood on their minds.
"Another day, friends!" Methos said, and dropped a smoke bomb, then ran as fast as he could. He tried not to lose his head. Hee hee.
"Hmph," HX said asininely, and sauntered off to find Robotnik and Snively.
- Hedgehog X
"You're evil, huh? Well, it's always something." - Die Flaudermaüs
Midnight: Duncan!
(Midnight runs over to the Highlander and helps him out of his bonds. He takes his katana out and twirls it in his hand.)
Duncan: Let's take out the trash!
Sonic: You got it!
(Midnight slices a bot in half as the others attack the other bots.)
- Midnight
"Are you aware that, once hit by plasma, SWAT-Bots really don't need to be killed any further?" X asked the Immortals, whose grasp on high-tech weapons was apparently limited.
As the Freedom Fighters responded with sarcastic remarks, X whispered, in an aside to HX, "What the hell are you trying to pull?!"
HX's eyes widened, but again, he knew better than to be too surprised. After all, this was his best friend here...
"Just keep playin' along," he whispered in response.
- X
[Editor's Note: Woohoo, Median Effect!]
Far away from this scene, yet another decisive defeat for Robotnik, Hedgehog X finally found Robotnik and Snively sipping champagne and playing with a beach ball that looked like the world.
"And I thought you two didn't know how to have fun," HX said, grinning at this rather childish spectacle.
Robotnik regained his seriousness and stood up regally. "Status report, Xavier!"
"They scared away Methos and they got Duncan," HX said dismally, and looked up, grinning. "All's going according to plan."
"But what if they find the tracking device?" Snively asked, a little apprehensive.
HX smiled, "I believe you are mistaking me for a rank amateur."
"So where did you put it?"
All three instinctively leaned forward in that kind of "you aren't going to believe this and don't tell anyone else" huddle and HX said quietly, "In the back of his throat."
"Excellent!" Robotnik said sharply. "And I put it there, am I right?"
"You'll get the credit and I won't be blamed for the destruction of Knothole..." HX said. "I love it. Now, you understand our bargain, right? Remember, if you back out on me, everything you worked for will be gone before you can blink."
Robotnik nodded, trying to overcome his ego and remember how crafty and dangerous this hedgehog was. He prayed that making such a pact wouldn't be a huge blunder.
"Well, that settled, let's enjoy ourselves before we prepare the attack." HX took a conveniently-placed glass of champagne, looked at it, announced Robotnik had no taste, and started to make a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster.
- HX
[Editor's Note: He sees the error of his ways. Or something.]
Ack! You were hiding from me! Oh well, it still makes sense the way it is, so leave it at that. Midnight...your turn. Try not to kill any dead robots who weren't alive in the first place, 'K? =D
- Hedgehog X
Highlander: 1 immortal. Highlander 2: 2 immortals. Series: 252 immortals.
(Duncan looks at Sal.)
Duncan: So, you're a princess, huh?
Sally: Yes I am.
Duncan: I have met a lot of royalty in my life. From what Madelyne has told me, Methos is here, and you need help in this war. Count me in...and we need to find Richie to.
[Editor's Note: I don't get the "from what Madelyne has told me" bit either. I, for one, distinctly saw...ummm, read...the two meet a couple chapters ago.]
- Duncan
Highlander 3 - four immortals. There can be only one!
X was very angry at this point. He was still wondering what the hell Hedgie was trying to pull...the bug he'd sent with HX had obviously been deliberately crushed.
"I hope you know what you're doing," he muttered. "I mean, what the hell is with all this 'where's Knothole' crap I heard a minute ago, anyway?! You and I...and Robotnik...know full-well that Knothole is located in the Hidden Palace now, and has been for some time."
And then a thought came to X. "Light, I hope not," he muttered. "But if they do break into the Palace, I'm sure there's a reason for it..."
- X
HX suddenly wondered who X was talking to and sat down for a moment to figure out what he was doing.
- Hedgehog X
Um...um...
Robotnik knows? Damn, you're starting to really mess things up. Remember the chaos effect. The flapping of a butterfly's wings in Spain might cause a monsoon in China, the incessant muttering of a robot in Knothole might cause a squirrel to fall off a roof in Robotropolis <G>. Okay, I better do something. Robotnik doesn't know. I don't know why he doesn't know, he just doesn't. HX knows, of course, but he doesn't want to tell Robotnik straight out because he can then say he, well, didn't tell Robotnik straight out. =) Okay, one last check back at things, and then I'll get on with it.
[Editor's Note: Uhhhh, that's chaos theory, Brent.]
- Hedgehog X
<Babbles>
Where are we at this point? Little recap: Duncan, Midnight, and all the rest of the good guys were back at Knothole, except for X who was somewhere indeterminable muttering softly at an imaginary Hedgehog X and not thinking that Hedgehog X might actually want to rule the world.
Hedgehog X was, meanwhile, admiring himself. He reflected light off his new suit in every direction. It was black titanium alloy, and consisted of some black boots with spikes in it, black gloves with spikes in it, and the standard ornamental whatever-the-hell-it-is V thingamabob he wears when he's a prince. There was also some body and torso covering, of course. He took a close look at himself and a small voice in the back of his head cracked that he looked very much like Darth Vader, but with less breathing problems.
Very funny, he thought back at his other self. He checked the time display on his arm. An hour until the raid, he thought, enough time to get in beforehand and do what he had to. He stepped into the spa room, and averted his gaze so as not to hurl directly at Robotnik and Snively, two people who really should not use a spa. At least not in public.
"I'd like to go ahead," he said, "and pay my, um, final respects to the Freedom Fighters."
"What guarantee will I have that you won't warn them of our assault?"
"You think I'm taking our deal lightly, don't you?" HX said softly. "You know I want what you have, Robotnik."
Then his tone got a little happier, "I'll take my third of the army with me, and they'll report to you if we got sold out."
"That sounds fair," Robotnik said, shrugging, and waving Hedgehog X out in dismissal.
HX sat back in his transport bot set on autopilot, and tapped the intercom.
"All SWAT-Bot squadron leaders of the third unit, give your communicators to me."
He opened his door, and one by one they mindlessly obliged. HX stepped into a back room and started bugging all the communicators. Then he tapped the intercom again.
This time he spouted some new coordinates, and the transport-bots obliged. They were very surprised to crash into the ground.
"Good," HX said to himself, "Robotnik will still get a signal from them, and I can face the Freedom Fighters without those stupid robots. Plus..." he suddenly grinned, "there goes a third of Robuttnik's army." He reclined.
- HX
> Robotnik knows? Damn, you're starting to really mess things up.
<Suddenly recalls there's never been any hard evidence to Robotnik that they live in the Hidden Palace now> Hey...works for me. =) I just thought somehow that Robotnik's break-in to the HPZ in S&K managed somehow to relate to the current sitch...
- X
And X was thinking aloud. Dumbass.
"Somebody just dropped a helluvalotta bugs in Robotown, mon capitan," X reported.
"HX?" Sally guessed.
X nodded. "Something tells me he intended for us to be able to use them...though I don't doubt his primary concern right now is he, himself, and him."
Sally nodded. "I wonder what his game is..."
X shrugged. "Even I can't read him at this point...perhaps the only one who can is his sister."
"True enough," Sally responded. "Perhaps we should ask her what's up?"
"You do that," X said, "and meanwhile, I'll prepare our defenses...Hedgie's plan can't possibly involve allowing Robotnik to breach the Hidden Palace, but it could certainly involve the EggMan trying..."
- X
(Midnight looks at Sonic, who is stuffing his face with chilidogs.)
Midnight: Ugh, how can you eat that?
Duncan: Same way Richie eats.
(Midnight laughs at Duncan's joke.)
- Midnight
Meanwhile, Kate was trying very hard to get through to her brother at Sally's request. Suddenly she screamed and fell backwards from the desk she had her head rested on in concentration.
"What's wrong?" Sally asked.
"That little bastard," cursed Kate, "he's blocking me! He's wearing something, and it's very, very evil."
Sally blinked, "He's wearing what?"
"Something," Kate said, and shut her mouth.
X then stepped into the room, and said in a low voice, "He's here."
"Wow," Kate said when the Freedom Fighters had all gathered to talk to the betrayer, "you look like Shredder."
"Hey!" HX snapped, "I look like Darth Vader!"
Shut up, Zero's thoughts coursed through HX's brain. You're stealing my lines.
"What's your game this time, spy?" X said, part smug and part angry.
Hedgehog X paused for a moment, then said slowly, "I planted those bugs to make sure you'd still trust me enough to listen to me. You should evacuate Knothole, now."
"What are you going to do?" Sally asked.
HX looked at the village. Beautiful, he thought, kind of a waste. HX shrugged. "I'm going to destroy the village. Then I'll move it out of here. You should leave." HX paused, then scowled and said very seriously, "Now."
X raised his arm at Hedgehog X. "And if we don't?"
HX regarded X rather vacantly for a moment, then in a quick, startling movement he drew a beam sabre from his back, and growled, "You will leave, by your choice...or by mine."
- Hedgehog X
(Evil HX is kinda cool, really... Maybe he'll join the Committee of Furry Artists, World Domination Division =D)
Midnight: You lost me.
Duncan: We stay, we die. We leave, we die. Not much of a choice.
Midnight: What?
Duncan: an Immortal is waiting for us to leave.
- Midnight
X blasted at HX. The shot was off -- as he had intended -- but it looked like this was because of HX's clever dodging.
"Nice shootin', Tex," the hedgehog said with a laugh.
"X," the android responded. "The name is X."
"Whatever," Xavier said with a shrug, then promptly leapt behind X and held the beam sabre to his throat.
"Go!" X shouted. "Get the hell outta here! I'll be right behind you!"
Sonic and Sally looked at Kate for confirmation. She nodded. "I'll be right here with X...and my brother," she said, emphasizing the last word.
"'Wearing something evil' is right," she muttered once the others had filed out.
"New kind of beam sabre?" X joked as he passed his neck back and forth through it several times. "Not terribly effective."
"It's on its lowest setting," HX explained. "I could choose to do some real harm at any point."
Kate laughed. "You, doing any real harm?! You don't even use your powers to the faintest inkling of their full potential!"
"They suit my purpose without being used to the faintest inkling of their full potential," HX said defensively. "Why use a crutch if your legs are in the very best shape possible?"
"Well, for one thing," X responded, "your ankle could be hurt." That earned him a slap upside the head from Xavier.
"Well," Kate said, "back to the task at hand: let's do what we must. Still, I don't feel right keeping things from my friends..."
"It had to be done," HX responded. "You had to pretend I had a method of blocking you out...increases my perceived threat and what-not."
"Point duly noted," Kate muttered.
- X
And it was more like HX was stealing Hector's line, not Zero's. ;)
(HX is grabbed from behind, and finds himself staring into the burning green eyes of a very angry cheetahmorph.)
Midnight: Talk now! What are you up to, why is Methos here, and where is Richie?! I will die, yes, but I will come back.
- Midnight
"I'll talk," HX hissed, "when I have a windpipe!"
Thrusting his legs into the air, he kicked off the newbie, who landed soundly on her feet. "Well, if you people won't go away, at least hide," he said with a shrug.
"Just what are you doing?" X said.
"Fine, if you won't go away," HX continued, leaving X's question unacknowledged, "this'll only hurt a bit." He thrust his hand into the air, clutched something unseen, then pulled his arm down. Suddenly a burst of energy formed at the center of Knothole, and started growing alarmingly fast.
"Ack!" X said, and dropped to the ground, hands over his head.
"Relax," Kate said, "He's just..." Then the energy swallowed her up.
"Just wha..." And X was gone too.
"Whaaa!" Midnight cried out, and took off running, which suited Hedgehog X fine as the energy engulfed him as well. Then it flew into the air.
And then it came crashing down on the outskirts of the Floating Island, and formed back into the matter it was.
X looked up, and blinked. "You teleported a whole village?!?!?!"
"Got any aspirin?" he said casually.
- Hedgehog X
Play him like a guitar...
"I'm a robot," X responded. "Why on Mobius would I carry any aspirin?!"
Moodily, he tossed HX a Sub Tank, which the hedgehog promptly chugged, leaving a glowing "mustache" on his upper lip.
"I thought you were planning on turning into Zero before taking that," X muttered.
HX smirked. "Nice try. Sorry, but I ain't about to give my consciousness to someone who would spill the whole story."
"So you've been struck with a bit of nostalgia for the old days when you were an enigma, eh?" X muttered. He hadn't seen much of said old days, but he'd been there for part of them, and had his fill.
"They don't call me 'Hedgehog X' for nothin'," the hedgehog responded.
"Yes we do," said a voice, and Kate Chaos stepped out of the shadows. "Amy Rose was the only one who had any sort of reason for it."
HX shrugged. "Goin' to Robotown," he said. "Be back later." With that, he tossed X his Sub Tank, and beamed out.
Kate filled the Sub Tank up with a bit of Emerald power, muttering that one of the Freedom Fighters was bound to need it...not least likely her brother.
- X
Just thought of something...if this is post-Doomsday, then it's after Snively's mutiny...this is getting less-and-less in-continuity...
(Whoops, Midnight didn't pounce HX. Uh...pretend it was a backwards flip kick (I think it would fit the narration with a little imagination), I always liked them anyway. =))
- Hedgehog X
I want to learn beating people up in Japanese.
HX beamed back in where neither the Freedom Fighters nor Robotnik would expect, and promptly beat himself up. He then smashed the comm units that were telling Robotnik his SWAT-Bots were still functional (methodically, of course) and staggered to where Robotnik's army was scheduled to be, and looked pitifully at Robotnik.
"It was the same ol' mistake...same...ol'..." Then he slumped to the ground.
Snively frowned. "I don't believe," he growled, "that a bunch of little cowards could destroy a third of our army and nearly destroy a born fighter equipped with our robotic armor."
"He knows it won't deter us," Robotnik said. "Put him in the truck, he will rejuvenate by the time the attack starts."
Damn, HX thought, they're going to take me along anyway. Well, at least my cover isn't blown. Yet.
"Well, we convinced Hedgehog X not to destroy Knothole," Sally said, "but..."
"He got the whole cavalry!" Sonic exclaimed, "Man, this is serious."
"He really wants us out, doesn't he?" X growled, "Kate, just what is he doing?"
"It's..." Kate paused, wondering whether or not she should respect her brother's wishes. "He's still on our side, that's all I will say."
"Fine," X growled, and listened to Sally's war strategies.
- Hedgehog X
Eerie. When did I say HX's favorite weapon is a beam saber (it is, of course, but I never said it!)?
(Midnight is looking around; she is confused.)
Midnight: Where am I?
Knuckles: You are trespassing on the Floating Island!
Midnight: Who are you?
Knuckles: I'm Knuckles, the Guardian of the Floating Island.
Midnight: I'm Midnight. Where is Sonic?
Knuckles: I don't know or care!
Midnight: Oh God! Duncan! I gotta find him.
Knuckles: Who?
Midnight: Duncan MacLeod, my teacher.
- Midnight
Sonic peered quizzically at the two. "Chill out, Knuckles!" he called. "It's just Midnight, the newbie..." He said newbie as if it were something blatantly obvious, which it would have been if Knuckles had been paying attention to recent events instead of perfecting his brownie recipe.
"Sorry, mon, I just be rememberin' da times I was de Guardian of de Island, mon." Knuckles couldn't speak in plain English for very long, it seemed.
"Hey, you still are!" Sonic said, trying to boost morale as much as he could. "Just remember who's your best buds and your worst enemies."
"So I can punch de hedgehog's lights out, mon?"
Sonic stared at Knuckles. "He has a good reason and you know it."
"Dang, I was hoping for an excuse, mon."
Sonic shook his head and looked at Midnight. "Duncan's hiding, remember?"
Midnight got defensive. "Duncan hides from no man!"
"You don't get it, mon. Duncan's hiding for Xavia'."
Sonic glanced at Midnight and started to notice something odd. Whenever Knuckles spoke in that stupid accent of his Midnight would tense up as if fighting the urge to attack. Sonic smiled.
"Hey Knuc," he whispered, "have you noticed Midnight can't stand your accent?"
"Yeah mon," Knuckles whispered back. "What do ya make of it?"
Sonic smiled. "You know what this means, don't you?"
"Yeah mon, we're gonna take er to see Antoine."
- Hedgehog X
I love accents...can't do em, but love em.
You want accents? I'll give you accents!
Midnight: I cannae believe ye. Duncan be hiding for Xavier? For all we know he may be like St. Cloud! Duncan would nae be doing this unless they forced him. Has he gone daft, Lad?
(Midnight speaks with a Scottish brogue. Knuckles backs up a bit.)
Knuckles: Chill, mon.
Midnight: I be no mon! I be a warrior! Now, where be Richie at?
Sonic: I don't know.
Midnight: Well, we better find him, or Richie will lose his head to Methos!
(Midnight growls and looks at Knuckles.)
Midnight: And if ye ever want to fight I'll wipe the floor with ye just like I can outrun Sonic over there.
- Midnight
"...And then you woke up," Sonic commented.
"Irish accents don't scare me," Knuckles muttered, suddenly losing the Jamaican accent. "I met a version of myself from another reality who had one."
"Scoatish," Midnight said peevishly.
"Whatever," Sonic and Knuckles said in unison, rolling their eyes.
"This gives me the greatest sense of disquiet," X muttered.
"I'm not too crazy about it myself," Sally muttered. "Deal with it."
The two were on a hill overlooking Robotropolis. As they watched the city, they felt eyes gazing back at them, from somewhere.
"The Eye of Sauron," X muttered.
"Cow-Ron?" Sally questioned.
"Sauron," X corrected. "A character in a book by an author on Earth."
(A note: the first syllable of Sauron's name is pronounced like "sour", not "sore" or "sar". Tolkien noted such in The Silmarillion.)
Sally rolled her eyes.
"I don't think it's Xavier," Kate said quietly.
A dark look appeared in X's eyes, and he spoke one harsh word: "Packbell."
- X
"Please refrain from tasting the knob!" - Some guy on The Simpsons
[Editor's Note: Damn, a good plot device ruined by the Median Effect. It coulda been great, too, if we'd expanded on the Packbell idea...]
"I'd hate to break up this moment of love," said a voice with infinite sarcasm, "but...they're he-ere..."
Sonic spun around to see X and Sally looking fretful. "Who's here?" he said.
Sally set Nicole on the ground and activated a projector. A diagram showing Knothole appeared, as well as thousands of little blips speeding towards it.
"Do you know what this means?" Sally said in the "look, we're screwed!" voice.
"Yeah," Sonic snickered, "We're gonna run out of punch."
X kicked Sonic in the shin. "Hedgehog X has brought Robotnik's full army down on us! He's out of control!"
Midnight spat, "Just wait till I get my hands on that little freak of nature..."
"You won't have long to wait," Sally said. "Look!"
Already transports carrying SWAT-Bots, Buzz-Bombers, and even more ghastly abominations to the Floating Island were visible.
[Editor's Note: Why would Buzz-Bombers need to be carried in transports?]
"I've gotta ring the ol' alarm bell!" Sonic sped back into Knothole, exasperated.
"What now?" Midnight said.
"We decide on a plan. They can either surround the Floating Island and close in, or they can focus their resources on one point. And we can either guard the perimeter, or we can guard the front gate." X scratched his head.
"Hedgehog X seems to be only interested in the destruction of the village, not us." Sally looked apprehensively at the transports. "There must be something important he wants here, in which case they'll probably surround the island."
"Right," X nodded, "and if they do try a full frontal assault, we can always pull our people to the center of Knothole."
"Right, all that's left is to get ready."
- Hedgehog X
(This would be a great time for Cecil's theme...)
[Editor's Note: Brent sees the Median Effect. That's always fun.]
"Sir, perhaps you should take a look at this," Snively said, pointing at a monitor. Robotnik pointed quizzically at it. So did Hedgehog X.
"That's funny," Robotnik said. "The robot, the squirrel, and the child are both conversing on the Floating Island and trespassing in our domain."
"You know what this means, don't you?" Hedgehog X growled.
"What?" Snively and Robotnik spoke up in unison.
"Hit the deck!" Hedgehog X screamed as a searing bolt of light suddenly flashed down from above. Ironically, it hit Hedgehog X directly; all that was left of him was a black spot where he used to be.
Robotnik and Snively would have stared in horror if they, and the rest of Mobius, could do anything.
Hedgehog X mumbled, mostly at the ground he was facing. "Damn," he said appropriately. "Damn damn damn. Thrice. Three times. This is starting to suck."
He picked himself off the ground to discover there was no ground. That is to say, he was definitely standing on something solid, but he could not see it. Everything was utterly black, black like HX could never had imagined. It was more than a little unnerving. Especially the sudden waves of déjà vu that continually washed over him despite the fact that he had definitely never been here before.
He turned his head. More blackness. His frame of reference was gone: Hedgehog X was completely lost. He spun around for a while, seeing nothing, and eventually decided he'd better go somewhere.
He walked in one direction for a while.
Oddly enough this produced a positive effect. Soon he came across an odd castle, beautiful in a way he could never describe. Suddenly he heard a voice, and it was more than reassuring...until he interpreted it.
"Your castle, Prince Chaos," it said. HX spun around and saw a man he instinctively wanted to kick. Growling, he shouted, "Who are you?!?!?!"
"I would have guessed you'd have forgotten already," he sighed. "I am...LOGIC. Come. We have much to figure out."
HX walked blindly behind the eccentric little man to the castle. This, he decided, now officially sucked.
- Hedgehog X
"At 17000 miles per hour and these guys are having dinner!" - Mr. Gardner, referring to the Space Shuttle Apollo crew
Midnight: Okay, now we need Duncan. Where is he?!
Sonic: Why?
Midnight: He's great in fights.
Knuckles: We don't need him, mon.
Midnight: Yes we do, lad.
Knuckles: Don't call me lad.
Midnight: I'm three hundred seventeen years old. I think that makes you a child.
- Midnight
"Shut up," said a sudden voice from nowhere, "you're supposed to be frozen. Now come along, Midnight."
And suddenly Midnight found herself also yanked into the Middle of Nowhere with a very perturbed Hedgehog X and Mega Man X.
"What, exactly, are we doing here?" Midnight asked.
Hedgehog X said, "Mr. Perfect 'ere says we have to fix the timestream because we keep splitting it."
"How did we do that?" X said.
HX shrugged. "Damned if I know," he muttered.
"Come on," LOGIC growled. "I have all eternity, but you don't!"
- HX
Midnight: Excuse me, but I don't get pushed around by no one I don't know. And if I stay here with no Immortals I do have eternity! And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to find Duncan because Freak of Nature has him hidden.
- Midnight
"You don't get it, do you?" LOGIC growled.
"We're not on Mobius anymore, Toto!" HX quipped. Then he spun around and faced LOGIC. "Fine, good, repair the continuum of spacetime and whatnot, very lovely. And how shall we go about this?"
"We need to find the magic pencil in the castle," LOGIC explained, pointing arbitrarily at Castle Chaos, "but it is guarded by the ferocious Maleophonix, the Singing Candy Machine."
X fell to his knees, "Not that damn candy machine!!!" he cried.
- Hedgehog X
This story is hereby stupid. <Snip>
Midnight: I'm not going to fight a machine!
- Midnight
"Of course we're not gonna fight it," X responded. "The thing is, Maleophonix was a form Kate once transformed HX into, in a previous KateStory...which is what this has developed into. See, I wouldn't be as omniscient as I am now except in a KateStory.
"Anywayz," he continued, "for Maleophonix and HX to exist simultaneously, something's gotta be wrong with HX...Maleophonix must be appearing as a projection of his consciousness, like Haplo's --"
HX slapped X. "If I ever plan to read Death Gate, I'll do it for myself," he muttered. "Besides, don't spoil it for Steve, who's leaning over the author's shoulder."
"Okay, okay," X muttered. "Here, we're gonna need to bang our heads on these..."
X withdrew three foam rubber cutouts in the shape of Bill Clinton's head.
"Not more magic transportation devices," HX moaned.
"I'm not gonna use a magic transportation device!" Midnight said vehemently.
"Stop being so contrary to everything we do!!!!!" X screamed, helping her bash her head on it.
"Let's roll," X and HX said in unison, and then bashed their heads on the remaining two foam rubber cutouts in the shape of Bill Clinton's head.
- X
(Midnight kicks HX in the groin.)
Midnight: This is my story! Follow my lead!
- Midnight
"Not anymore!" HX screamed in between howls.
X smiled. "That's a pretty good impression, Hedgehog X. I didn't know you did Amaroq."
"Shut up," HX growled. "Let's just turn this story back into one that makes some sort of sense."
"More than happy to oblige!" Midnight said.
LOGIC waved the group towards a door. "This way!" he called.
"You seem like you're in some sort of hurry!" X said.
"Um, well, your dimension's normal flow of time has been stopped," LOGIC explained, "but I can't keep it that way for long. And as for you, Hedgehog X, you can't afford to lose a second in your reality."
"That's for sure," HX muttered, picking up speed. "There are too many random elements to compensate for already."
X managed to run beside HX. "Xavier, what's so important that you're bringing a whole army down on us, anyway?"
"Robotnik...has...something...we...will...need...very...soon..." he said in between short breaths. "Robotnik promised to give it to me if I destroy you...or at least make it appear so."
"Is that why Duncan is hiding?" Midnight asked.
"One who has seen so much life will understand life so much better..." he answered cryptically.
"Huh?" X asked.
"Shh!" LOGIC sounded sharply. "Don't...disturb...the candy machine."
"It doesn't look so tough," Midnight said, peering at the candy machine.
"Yeah? Well, that thing is me!" HX whispered.
"You don't look so tough either."
X shook his head. "He is. Just trust me."
Hedgehog X smiled slightly and turned his attention to, er, himself.
"I've got an idea," X whispered, pulling a Chaos Emerald and a gumball out of Hedgehog X's jacket.
"How did you know I had those in there?" HX whispered sharply.
"Shh..." X admonished, charging power into the gumball. Then he stood up and raised it over his head. "Magic Gumball away!"
- Hedgehog X
How come HX's stomach magically came back after he ate the Magic Roast Beef Sandwich?
< How come HX's stomach magically came back after he ate the Magic Roast Beef Sandwich?
<LOLTASB> I just re-read that thing today...it kicked ass. ;)
[Editor's Note: "LOLTASB" is Brent's own acronym. It stands for "laughing out louder than a sonic boom".]
Oh, and Midnight...I'm not HX! I'm Mega Man X, but I go by simply "X"!
Now, on with the story...
"Oh, shi --" X started to shout, but was censored.
HX smacked himself in the head. "You were supposed to throw the gumball, not the Emerald!!!!!!!!!"
"I know," X said sheepishly.
Maleophonix slowly turned toward the trio. If candy machines can look sinister, it did.
"So you've come," it said. "X, I gave you the ability to choose your own path in life, and I had hoped the world would --"
"Shut up!" HX shouted, promptly blasting the projection of his consciousness. The Chaos Emerald, however, protected the candy machine.
"Dammit!" X shouted, and prepared to chuck the gumball at the sinister-looking item. Midnight tensed, also ready to attack. But then, the two of them were frozen by a piercing, evil cry:
"Hey, Macarena!"
"You fiend," HX said, glowering at the singing candy machine that couldn't sing, as his two companions began to dance.
"What a worthless gesture!" Maleophonix laughed. "Well, HX, it's just you and me now."
Suddenly, HX turned red. If candy machines can look surprised, Maleophonix did.
"What the --?! Where did that energy come from?! No matter. It really doesn't matter how much energy you absorb, you are still far too weak!"
HX grinned evilly. "Cure 4!" he shouted, casting a healing spell on Maleophonix.
"Nooooo!!!!! I'm meeeeelting! Meeeeeeelting! Oh, what a world...my beautiful lack of singing talent..."
HX grinned as the projection of his consciousness disappeared in much the same way as Cecil's battle with his dark side (only Cecil didn't have Cure 4). "C'mon, you guys," he said as Midnight and X woke from their trance. "We've got a mission to accomplish!"
- X
(Midnight grabs X.)
Midnight: Personally, when I do the Macarena, it turns Duncan on.
(She gives him a seductive smile which is worse than anything Amanda can give.)
- Midnight
If a robot could look surprised, X sure as hell did.
"I never really thought of you as a healer," X said.
"I, uh...damn, how did I do that!?" HX looked at his hand. "'Where did that power come from?', indeed!"
LOGIC nodded. "It came from me."
"How?"
"To make a long story short, I extrapolated the power from your future self and transferred it to you."
Midnight scratched her head.
"LOGIC gave Hedgehog X the power he is going to have," X explained to her. "But how?"
Hedgehog X smacked LOGIC, "Good one, brother!"
X suddenly saw a vague hint of a smile break out across LOGIC's face. HX looked a little perturbed. "Now the bloody charade is obvious!"
"If you're done," LOGIC said calmly, "time is of the essence."
"Okay, what now?" Midnight said, eager to get back to reality.
Logic entered a room briefly, and returned with a crystal ball. "All three of you must touch this, and concentrate on the world you wish to return to."
X, Midnight, and HX touched the crystal ball, with the same thought on their mind: Why remake Mobius as the ruined world it is? Why not create a perfect paradise, free of Robotnik and everything bad?
And then three very different thoughts came to each of their minds. X and Midnight smiled evilly, but Hedgehog X's face was twisted with anguish.
Someone is testing us!!! he thought with horror.
"X! Midnight! N..." And the new world was created.
- Hedgehog X
Which brings up the question: Is HX ever going to overcome the paranoia that he's still being tested?
Okay, here goes...
"Palace fountain, 3224...palace fountain, 3224...palace fountain, 32...X! Midnight! N..."
"In the words of Bob Hoskins," X said when the smoke cleared, "'Where da hell ah we?!'"
"What movie did he say that in?!" HX said menacingly.
"Uhhhh...it must've been Who Framed Roger Rabbit! Yeah!"
"It better've been," HX growled.
"Anyway, this is your fault," X growled. "Why the hell can't you trust us for thirty seconds?!"
"I always trust you!" HX shouted.
"'Denial and paranoia,'" X quoth, "'classic symptoms.'"
"Hey...what happened to the kitty?"
"Sir Kain? He lost Prodigy."
"No, the other one."
"Kabuki? She did too."
HX smacked X.
"Damn you Joey!" X shouted.
"What the hell are you babbling about now?!" HX screamed.
"Ummmm...people named Joey who punch you in the arm because you got pissed off at their girlfriend, and then immediately afterwards say that you were completely in the right and they respect you greatly and would've done exactly the same thing in your position, and that you didn't deserve to be punched, which is all well and good, but doesn't heal the bruise on your arm."
"Remind me not to ask," HX said, rather annoyed that X was apparently channeling the spirit of Kate and speaking in really long run-on sentences.
"HX," X said, "don't ask."
HX frowned. "But, back on-topic...whatever happened to Midnight?"
X shrugged. "Lost Prodigy?" he suggested.
HX smacked him. Repeatedly.
- X
You guys are dorks, you know that? Where is Duncan?
- Midnight
He's in another world, silly. =)
- Hedgehog X
That's what you get for making your origin an RPG! Actually, it would have worked if you didn't let us play. =D
"Okay," HX growled, "Where are we?!?!?!"
"Palace fountain, 3224."
"Really?"
X looked around. "That's what my scanners indicate. By the way, HX, don't look down."
"Why?" HX said, furrowing a brow.
"Because you're disintegrating."
HX looked down, against his better judgement. "Hmm..." he said sagely, trying to think of something appropriate to say. "D'oh!"
- Hedgehog X
"Will they be able to handle that kind of power?" - Chekotee, on the reformed Borg
"So are you," the rodent muttered.
"Well, so I am!" X exclaimed.
"So," HX said, "What exactly in the hell is going on here?!?!?!?!"
"So far as I can guess," X said, "we're in that post-Mobius Apocalypse reality where Robotnik never existed. Resultingly, you were never created...and the version of me that came to Mobius never existed."
"But that's impossible!" HX burst. "Quantum mechanics, remember?!"
"Yeah, well," X said, "quantum mechanics implies that every imaginable reality exists...even realities where quantum mechanics itself doesn't apply!"
"Great," HX muttered. "And who exactly selected us to be the versions of ourselves to wind up here?!"
X would have shrugged, but by then his shoulders were gone.
- X
"The point is that I am now a perfectly safe penguin and my colleague here is rapidly running out of limbs!" - Ford Prefect
"You know what I think?" the head of Hedgehog X said.
"What do you think?" X's head said back.
"I think it's time we do something."
"I think you're right."
"I think you're right!"
Then they disappeared from that dimension.
A loud CLANG! rang through the hedgehog's ears as he suddenly remembered that he was, in fact, still wearing armor. HX, X, and Midnight picked themselves off the ground and gazed at Castle Chaos.
"Damn, what the hell happened?" HX growled.
"You failed," said a voice.
Midnight turned and growled, "What the hell are you talking about?"
LOGIC strode purposefully up to the three. "You failed, you dumbasses. Now we have to find the crystal ball again in thirty seconds or the time restraint will stop!"
[Editor's Note: Crystal ball? Wasn't it a magic pencil before?]
HX grabbed X and Midnight and took off, shouting, "X, get the gumball and get ready, we're going to rush!!!"
- Hedgehog X
<Starts playing "Save Them!", sets tempo to 300>
[Editor's Note: Uh-oh, I smell trouble.]
(Midnight looks around.)
Midnight: Duncan said he was here before HX told him to hide! He also told me that Sonic and Sally were wee bairns...er, young kids. Come on, I got an idea!
(Midnight grabs X and HX and takes to the air. She lands on a tree and looks at a group of kids along with Sonic and Sally watching a black fox teach some fighting skills to some soldiers.)
Midnight: There's Duncan, Sonic, and Sally. Come on. We got to warn them about Robobutt!
[Editor's Note: Argh! Fool! Even if she didn't see Brent's latest post (which she obviously didn't), she still should've been able to figure out from the threads given that there was no Robotnik in that reality...]
- Midnight
And then, suddenly, the world exploded.
"Damn Median Effect," HX muttered, rubbing his bruised head.
"Median Effect...?" Midnight asked timidly. "Should I ask...?"
"No," HX responded.
"It's what happens when two authors post conflicting chapters," X informed her.
"D'oh," was all Midnight could think to appropriately say.
"Well, on the plus side," HX said, "we did finish LOGIC's mission..."
"Who the hell cares?!" X shouted. "All LOGIC disappears when the Median Effect takes place!"
"Yeah, well," HX said, "we can always use this thing to get back..."
"Or somewhere else entirely!" X said with a huge grin.
Midnight glared at him.
- X
I hate you guys, you know that? I think I'll quit this RPG.
- Midnight
Yer so shweet. =) To quote Groundskeeper Willie: "I warned ye! Deed'n' I warn ye?!" =) The fact is, Brent doesn't no when to be serious and, Schala help me, it's rubbed off on me. =7 Just remember, we're the only ones who even offered to play...
- X
You're right. I don't no anything...Damn you! Your obsessive grammar correction has rubbed off on me!!!
<Plunges himself off a deep cliff>
- Hedgehog X
I warned her, stupid!
"Use what to get back where?" HX screamed.
"Bye," said Midnight, and cut off her own head.
Suddenly, Duncan, Methos and Richie died as well, and they all disappeared.
"Fome," X said.
HX picked up the crystal ball which was lying around. "I think that's, um...six Median Effects today."
"Fome," X said.
"Come on, we have to get back to our time, the time stop has probably worn off already."
"Fome," X said.
HX beat X over the head with a crystal ball.
"Say something that makes sense, dammit!"
X shrugged and screamed in HX's ear, "Something that makes sense, dammit!"
HX slapped X around for a bit (happily remembering he was still wearing armor =D) and put his hand on the crystal ball. "Now concentrate. If we don't go where we're supposed to, we'll just disintegrate again."
X nodded. "Something that makes sense, dammit."
HX growled and they placed their hand upon the ball. Suddenly they materialized up Macarena's skirt.
"X!" HX screamed, and disintegrated.
"Whoo-hoo-hoo!" X danced until he was discovered and smacked across the room, where he disintegrated.
- Hedgehog X
HeX $M--- =)
"The world is safe...but for how long?" - Radioactive Man
That's right, boys and girls, we've come to our conclusion...for now. But stick around for the Third Anniversary KateStory Revival, beginning October 22, 1997, for subscribers of my off-topic mailing list! E-Mail me for more information!
Created 04.03.28