Ohhhhhh...my head...
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Ohhhhhh...my head... |
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Whoa! And I only just removed the crown! |
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...What?! |
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I said "So you're up." |
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...Where am I? |
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Deep within the frozen tundra of northern Arizona. |
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...I'm back? Damn...I can't remember anything...The Union! What happened to it?! |
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... |
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Sweet Jesus. I remember now. I remember it all. |
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...You were damaged pretty badly. We had to turn you into a cyborg killing machine, as signified by the fact that part of your hair is blue now. Mr. Boyd...I'm going to be blunt. We want you to help us. ...It is not an easy decision we ask of you, but... |
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Do I get a card that allows me to obtain sandwiches? |
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Yes. |
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Do it. |
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Bear in mind you'll be working for us. Your past, your very identity, will be destroyed, and your name reduced to initials and a number. |
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In that case, I want my old team back, too. |
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Done. From now on, your name is TeeBeeNine, and you are a sophomore. |
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Stripped of my name, my very identity. My life in shambles. What am I fighting foooooooooooooooooooooooor?!?!?!?!?!?!?! |
I'm not particularly happy lately, and I currently really don't give a rat's ass about my page. I've moved it to the NAU server (at least for now) and restored the original title, because, come on, it's appropriate right now.
I'll update all the TWU refs later.
If you really want to hear me piss and moan, try #finalfight.
Changed intro and links, updated URL/I for Short And To-The-Point Questionnaire and flyer, and corrected a link error on the Zelda Bestiary page.
Brief new Life.
Over the course of the past two days, I've been putting a new project into fulfillment...I now run a Telnettable BBS, which I'm calling Sonic '01, for reasons which two of you may remember. Anyhow, give it a shot at dorm2563.resnet.nau.edu (134.114.81.163). (Update 03.11.16: The BBS is, of course, located at sonic.pyoko.org now.) So far LORD, Usurper (both unregistered at this point), and the message boards are set up, but I'm still having trouble getting more than one node to work. Anyhow, enjoy!
New Stream.
And I know this month's been a bit scant, but I decided to still go ahead and add it to the archive by itself.
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What a dumb asshole.
Those words were my first reaction upon hearing that Nintendo president Hiroshi Yamauchi (pictured being old and Japanese, right) flatly rejected Square's friendly overtones. Square was talking about rereleasing Final Fantasy IV-VI (AKA "three of the best games in the goddamn world") for Game Boy Advance (AKA "why the hell does it only have four buttons?!").
In an interview with Bloomberg, the strangely-reptilian-looking Yamauchi said, We do not have a contract with Square, and do not plan to even consider a contract in the future...[Square] is free to say whatever they want, but we have no intention of signing a contract, and there's little chance of one being signed in the future.
Later in the same interview, Yamauchi was asked if he thought the GameCube would survive in today's cutthroat market. His response: It all comes down to software. It all comes down to how innovative we can make the console's software. And we won't know [how things turns out] until we release it and see.
Yamauchi was expected to resign this year. This may be due to the fact that, at the age of 73, he is so goddamn senile that he can't remember what he said three seconds ago.
Frankly, the only reason I ever considered getting a Game Boy Advance was for the possibility of seeing Final Fantasy rereleases on it. Fortunately, as a consumer in a capitalist society, I have the power of allowing my wallet to register my dissatisfaction with Yamauchi's managerial decisions. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to make a goddamn difference to Nintendo; the 64 has taken a beating so severe most execs would be praying for death, but instead they're shouting "THANKYOUSIRMAYIHAVEANOTHER!"
Let's face it, boys and girls...with Yamauchi at the helm, we're approaching the end of an era. In five years' time, I fear that the video game companies I grew up on will be changed beyond recognition. Sega's already gone the way of Atari, and Nintendo's on the road to Hell under President Skeletor.
On the threat of Microsoft, Yamauchi remarked, Everyone agrees that Bill Gates is a great businessman, but he's human after all -- there are things that he does not know. Games are one of them. If you know nothing about sumo, you can't expect to become a Yokozuna...I believe that in a year's time, we'll start seeing the consequences of this. He then chortled at the clever analogy of video game marketing to almost-naked fat men slamming into one another, dousing the front row with flecks of old man saliva.
Okay, come on, Hiroshi...that's the same goddamn thing you said about Sony five years ago. After you tried to get them to make an add-on for the Super NES. "What does Sony know about video games?! AHHHHH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! <Everybody grins stupidly, fade to black, roll credits>" It was, like, a daily tagline over at Nintendo. They'd joke about how Sony didn't know anything about video games, then go off on how the 64DD would crush the competition.
So, like I said, Nintendo's probably got about five years to clean up their act before Mario joins Sonic in the Homeless Mascot Shelter. And, failing heart attack or assassination, it looks pretty grim.
My friends, I have seen the future of video games...and it ain't pretty.
Information for this rant obtained from The GIA and gamers.com.
Games: Suikoden II and Mega Man X.
Books: The Trick Top Hat, book two of Robert Anton Wilson's Schrödinger's Cat Trilogy.
