Episode 10: Now Let's See Who He Really Is!
 |
Previously, on Holy Trinity Adventures... |
 |
Dude...you're calling me in the middle of the night to sell me a dildo? |
|
The voice is a dead giveaway. You're...Stephen Hawking! |
|
Based on a true story. |
 |
Blast. I am found out. |
 |
Brentai, ready to kick some ass! |
 |
Steve, ready to fuck some hats! |
|
We must unveil...our true power! Trinity Transform! |
|
 |
 |
Yellowjackass! |
|
|
 |
Brenteye! |
|
And eventually... |
 |
|
|
|
 |
Superasshole! |
|
Why are you our leader again? |
|
Let's stop bickering and go kick Stephen Hawking's ass. |
|
Er...about that. Don't you think it's a tad extreme transforming into our secret superhero forms just to beat on a helpless guy in a wheelchair? |
|
This man is not just a cripple in a simple wheelchair. Isn't that right...Metal Hawking?! |
|
Blast. I am found out. Again. |
|
Holy sloppy seconds! It's Stephen Hawking's head badly grafted with Photoshop onto a Magitek Armor from FF6! |
|
And he's surrounded by mysterious shadowy figures! |
 |
My name's Rudean Brown, I want the Akawis Cuh-moonication ho deal! |
 |
Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! |
 |
Mmmmmm, pies... |
|
Oh my God, it's, it's... |
|
That's right. Pie. I mean Stephen Hawking. |
|
|
 |
I am Captain Madagascar! |
|
I'll let you join the Holy Trinity. |
|
Okay, this is a little out of sequence, but anybody who's ever read a muddled comic book crossover -- and is there any other kind? -- should be used to this. |
 |
While you were all busy looking at mullet porn, I have revealed my true true true true form. |
|
Wait a minute, that's not Dr. Hawking in a wheelchair at all! It's Dr. Billy in a wheelchair! |
And now, the stunning conclusion to the greatest Holy Trinity adventure ever!
C'mon, you know it is. That recap took longer than most entire stories.
|
You bastard! You will pay for the suffering you have caused me with Windows XP! |
 |
The Shire! |
|
... |
|
Wait a minute...that's not Dr. Billy! It's... |
 |
 |
|
Scourge! |
|
No, wait. He's hiding his true form... |
 |
|
|
Captain America?! |
|
No, it can't be! It's... |
 |
|
|
It is! That's Steve Rogers, Captain America's secret identity! |
|
No, you're all wrong. It's really... |
 |
|
|
Nomad. |
|
|
|
Who? |
|
The preceding dumbass triple-unmasking is based on events in Thunderbolts #48 & 49. I'm not even exaggerating. |
|
Uh, I mean... |
 |
|
|
Our old nemesis, Alex Chiu. |
|
No, it's... |
|
|
|
Rudean Brown! |
 |
|
|
Lenny! |
 |
|
|
Carl! |
 |
|
|
Cambot! |
|
Show yourself. |
 |
|
|
Gypsy! |
|
'M not ready! |
 |
|
|
Tom Servo! |
|
H'lo there. |
 |
|
|
Crooooooooooooow! |
|
That's one o. |
 |
|
|
John Waters! |
 |
|
|
Janet! |
 |
|
|
Dr. Scott! |
 |
|
|
Janet! |
|
|
|
Brad! |
 |
|
|
Rocky! |
 |
|
|
Bullwi...uh, Skull Man! |
 |
<THUD> |
|
Uhhhh, Tha...uh, Superasshole? I don't think that was Skull Man. |
|
Dude! You ripped that guy's face off! |
|
Well. Looks like we accomplished... |
|
It was all like, Guy! I wanna rip your face off! Yeah yeah yeah! Guy! 'Bout to lose my mind! |
|
And so, the Holy Trinity triumphed over its most dangerous foe yet. Let's go home. |
|
Does it bother anyone else that, ultimately, that resolution doesn't make any goddamn sense? I mean, for starters, we didn't really have to do anything. And secondly, what the hell was Rocky's motivation in the first place? |
|
And so...the Holy Trinity...triumphed over its most dangerous foe yet. Let's...go...home. |
|
Goin' through your underwear...all alone when no one's there! |
|
The end. |
Special thanks to Brent for helping with the premise of this story, which was originally supposed to be part of the ending of Shark Man 3. Back when we were humoring him and pretending like we sincerely believed he'd finish it. ...Oh, wait. No we weren't.
Original Posted 02.01.14