ChairmanCase@aol.com by thad_x_boyd@prodigy.net

Tim696925@aol.com yawned, stretched, and surreptitiously scratched himself. He climbed from his bed and, once more, stretched.

Tim696925@aol.com resented sleep. Some people described sleep as a precious commodity. Tim696925@aol.com wasn't one of them. Those were mostly the geezers with no numbers in their names.

Not, of course, that Tim696925@aol.com looked down his nose at all his elders. Like all citizens of the great nation of America Online, Tim696925@aol.com had a healthy respect for the worthy and brilliant ChairmanCase@aol.com.

As he applied his AOL brand deodorant to his underarms and admired the nation's flag on his wall, Tim696925@aol.com thought of the old tales of how things had been before ChairmanCase@aol.com delivered America - such an uninspired name, America!

Tim696925@aol.com knew little about commerce; those chat rooms were boring. What he did know was that ChairmanCase@aol.com's bitterest rival had been a slimy, underhanded corporate weasel by the name of Bill@microsoft.com, and had once financially held America (America!) in his sweaty palm.

Bill@microsoft.com had controlled a - what was it called? Some kind of boring online game...the one with the old guy and the free parking...Monopoly. That was it. Bill@microsoft.com had somehow controlled it. The nation's well-meaning but primitive and unobservant Justice Department, tried, too late, to rein in Bill@microsoft.com and his cronies. Luckily, that had given ChairmanCase@aol.com the chance he needed to scoop all the rest of the nation's industry to protect it from Bill@microsoft.com. He had saved such wonderful, classic icons of yore as BugsBunny@aol.com and Superman@aol.com.

And thank God@aol.com for that, mused Tim696925@aol.com to himself as he finished brushing his teeth with his AOL toothbrush.

Tim696925@aol.com wandered into his living room and logged on. He thanked ChairmanCase@aol.com for allowing him that privilege.

What should I do today? Tim696925@aol.com wondered. Hmmmm...I think it's a good day to pretend to be a lesbian.

thad_x_boyd@prodigy.net says,
This cautionary tale does not really represent my perception of reality. I feel that the Justice Department is ordinarily quite competent, and I acknowledge that Bill Gates and Microsoft have used extremely unscrupulous business tactics. However, I feel that they are not nearly the monopolistic threat to our nation that their competitor, AOL, is, especially with the recent acquisition of Time-Warner, leaving a huge swath of American culture in its grasp. At least Microsoft has provided quality products and stayed within the software medium! I hope sincerely that the Justice Department recognizes this greater corporate threat before the software industry's frying pan is replaced by a raging fire.

Index