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Brentai
Moretto no Shikata

Age:19   Gender:Gender:Male

Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 220


Posted: Wed Aug 28, 2002 11:18 pm    Post subject: KateStory MCMLXXXIII

Over the near-infinite plains of a desolate and forgotten world flew a pair of robots who were art fag groupies from New York. One of the art fag groupie robots suspiciously did not lack an accordian.

Swiftly they flew, powered by dramatic effect, whooshing at unimaginable speeds towards a destination like any other, and yet not. Countless particles of dust, lying undisturbed for ages ineffable, were immediately and violently driven away in a massive, cloudy exodus as the two robots directed their rockets downward, gently maneuvering themselves onto the cracked ground, and the spot in which they were destined to stand.

For a brief second they glanced, not expecting to see anything inhabiting this huge expanse of nothing. As the dust clouds settled around them one, the one suspiciously not not lacking an accordian, readied itself, himself to speak.

And it spoke, "We are the John and John robots," letting the declaration carry itself as far as it could go, echoing forever within the near void. And then there was silence.

This silence, however, was not too long before it was disturbed by a faint buzzing sound off in the far, far distance. No human could have seen what could be making such a sound from where the John and John robots were standing, but the robots could see it very clearly. It was a Ferrari Lambourghini.

The driver of the Lambourghini was a robot. The passenger was also a robot. The driver robot was as geeky as a robot could get, a bespectacled, gaunt, imp-faced weakling of a bot with a bad complexion, which was quite a thing for a robot to have. However, it did command respect by wearing exceedingly fine duds, as well as quite obviously being the owner of the vehicle. On the other hand, the robot inhabiting the passenger seat, though perhaps slightly healthier, was obviously completely destitute. Its freakishly long robot hair was tangled and centuries-unwashed, and it feebly, as it rode, grasped with trembling robot fingers a cardboard sign reading "Will design for food."

Both robots wore ID tags, or rather, id tags.

The Ferrari squealed to spinning yet sharp halt in a specific spot not too far from the location of the John and John robots. Somberly, the riders of the vehicle stepped out and faced their new companions.

"We," stated the affluent robot somberly, "Are also the John and John robots."

A shadow grew, then shrunk, over the group, and the source of this disturbance could be identified by the presence of a pair of giant floating robot brains. One, the much larger of the brains, sported a large blue fright wig, while the smaller one wore a beanie. Both of them stared, from their position above, with hard plastic eyes.

"We are the Johnson and Johnson robots," the larger brain shouted belligerently.

And then the world exploded.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kelly London awoke with a gasp and a start. She looked from side to side for the briefest of instants to affirm her new reality, and then, to nobody in particular, stated, "I've just had the most horrible dream... in space!"

Moments later she found herself transformed in her bed into a giant insect.
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PhoenixUltima
Silent Wind of Doom!

Age:18   Gender:Gender:Male

Joined: 13 Aug 2002
Posts: 27

Location: Teh seekrit lair.

Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002 12:12 am    Post subject: ...

*dead silence*
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Random-Guy
Super Fag Deluxe

Age:21   Gender:Gender:Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 187


Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002 12:14 am    Post subject:

...You're such a weird bastard, Brentai.
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Clutch
Emergency food ration

Age:19   Gender:Gender:Male

Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 459

Location: F City

Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002 6:46 am    Post subject:

I am on a plane between laughter and confusion. Either way, that was quite entertaining. Thank you, Brentai.
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Orthae
Untitled Level 14

Age:19   Gender:Gender:Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 149

Location: Canada

Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002 8:21 am    Post subject:

It's Scary sometimes, how people come up with stuff like this.
Brentai is now in tuned with Frued. You both make sense
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Detonator
Untitled Rank 18

Age:16   Gender:Gender:Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 181

Location: Up in dis hizzouse

Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002 10:21 am    Post subject:

I don't know which was a bigger waste of time, Brentai writing that, me reading that, or me writing this post.
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...On second thought, scratch that.
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Ophelia
Resident psycho

Age:18   Gender:Gender:female

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 193

Location: Deep within the Earth, soon to awaken and reduce a miniature of Japan to rubble. Grar!

Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002 10:32 am    Post subject:

I'm disappointed by the lack of ninjas.

But kudos for giving the robots skin problems and gnarled hair!
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Gunslinger
Untitled Rank 21

Age:18   Gender:Gender:Male

Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 272

Location: The Wastelands

Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002 10:45 am    Post subject:

Quite honestly one of the strangest things I've ever read. It was entertaining nonetheless.
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"The Daves didn't put up the fliers, so there's no guests. Gutter never showed, so there's no beer. The equipment blew up so there's no band. And I think Robby and Deej Might be dead." "What, no beer?!?"
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Thad
Untitled Level 14

Age:19   Gender:Gender:Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 142

Location: 1611 Uranus Avenue

Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002 11:43 am    Post subject: I THINK it's 12...

Billy burst into Thad's dorm room, where Thad sat in his underwear waiting for his roommate, the Jean robot, to get out of the shower.

"Dude, my girlfriend's a bug!" Billy exclaimed.

Thad looked at Billy with a heavy-lidded gaze and said, "...Wha...?"

Thad was not a morning person.

"I don't care if you're not a morning person, it's 11:35 on a Thursday!" Billy exclaimed.

"Still technically the morning," Thad yawned.

"Dammit, you're not -- HOLEY MY ASS!"

Thad perked up a little at this last exclamation. Billy was pale, stuttering something, and pointing at the photo on top of Thad's bookshelf.



"THAT'S ONE OF THE ROBOTS FROM MY DREAM!" Billy finally managed to shout.

Thad furrowed his brow. "You had a nightmare about my brother and his dumbass hat?"

"NO! The one without the suspicious lack of accordion!"

"OH. Robot John Flansburgh. ...The Robot Johns are back, huh?"

"YEAH! And it has some kind of connection to turning Kelly into a bug!"

"Kelly's a bug?"

"YES! I SO already told you that."

"You so DIDN'T," Thad argued. "This is TOTALLY the first I've heard about it."

The phone rang.

Thad picked it up.

It was a nice man from Resnet telling Thad that his nonworking fetchmail setup was sending them an incredible mass of bounces.

"Shit," Thad remarked sagely upon hanging the phone up. "So...about my fetchmail..."

"WE WERE TALKING ABOUT KELLY!"

"Right, right, Kelly. ...What's this got to do with my fetchmail?"

"NOTHING!" Billy shouted. "But...there's some kind of connection to Robot John Flansburgh."

"This is a KateStory," Thad remarked sagely. "Twenty bucks says it has no connection to ANYTHING."
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Thad
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Stef
Untitled

  Gender:Gender:female

Joined: 29 Aug 2002
Posts: 3


Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002 12:35 pm    Post subject:


Meanwhile in a quaint valley in Gwynedd, PA....

A blonde streaked girl looked up from her computer with a start. She shook her head, removed her glasses and rubbed at her eyes. "All of this school work is getting too difficult", She complained as she tossed her copy of American Civilizations to the floor. This girl was Stef, a former computer & video game junkie turned prep-bitch extrodinare. It wasn't that she disliked them anymore, it was just that when she was enrolled in four years of all-girl prep school and then entered college, her focus turned to other things. Now, Stef blinked at the computer screen in disbelief. The words KateStory flashed on the screen.
"Those are words I haven't heard in a long time", She mused silently, and clicking the box closed, she turned back to pick up the book on the floor, when she realized she could not stop the nagging thoughts of old friends from days long gone...
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Thad
Untitled Level 14

Age:19   Gender:Gender:Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 142

Location: 1611 Uranus Avenue

Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002 1:09 pm    Post subject: Avatars Long Past, *OR* Return of the 16-Bit Badasses

Somewhere on the misty edge of a cliff, two shortish figures stood.

One was the star of three games on the Super Nintendo Entertainment System, and had thereafter been relegated to more of a token sidekick position in the sequels on the Sony PlayStation.

The other bore an unmistakable resemblance to the hero of all Genesis heroes, but he was shorter and purple.

In a thoroughly confusing twist, both of them had names ending in "X".

"So, Kelly's a bug," X said.

"Eeeyup," Hedgehog X responded.

"And we're going to try to help her," X responded.

"At some point," Hedgehog X affirmed.

"But along the way," X continued, "one of the authors is going to see something shiny and that particular little plot point is going to totally fall by the wayside, and only be resolved much later, if ever."

Hedgehog X nodded. "Somebody's been paying attention through the past...uhhh..."

"Eleven," X said. "I think."

"Eleven of these things," Hedgehog X acknowledged. "Sounds about right."

Their pointless conversation was interrupted by a form moving toward them in the mist. It started as the silhouette of a human girl at the tail-end of her teens, and then resolved itself into the form of a human girl at the tail-end of her teens.

X cracked a grin. "Looks like somebody got my summons."

"KATE!" Hedgehog X beamed. "THE Kate! Jeez, I missed you, Sis."

They embraced.

"So," said Kate, after a time, "Kelly's a bug, huh?"

X mugged for the narrative equivalent of a camera and said, "That's right, guys -- we just put the Kate back into KateStory."

Of course none of the #finalfight schmucks had any idea what was going on.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"HWUUUUUUURGH!" Brent shouted, and clutched his head.

Steve looked at him funny. "You don't usually do that after only one beer," he remarked. "...Good beer?"

"No," Brent said. "I sensed a great disturbance in the Force...as if a skeleton jumped out of my closet in a Thundercats T-Shirt and then was totally NOT silent."

Steve nodded sagely.

"Lemme try one of those."
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Stef
Untitled

  Gender:Gender:female

Joined: 29 Aug 2002
Posts: 3


Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002 3:50 pm    Post subject:

Stef, as who had been aforementioned, looked once again to the computer screen unable to shake herself of the nagging feelings which had been eating away at her stomache (and not the poisoned cafeteria food as one would normally believe). She sighed and climbed up the ladder to her top bunk and thought that maybe a nice looong nap would cure her of the dementia which seemed to overcome her suddenly. It felt as if she was being pulled to two worlds at once. Very cliche and cartoon like....like that guy in the Captain N cartoons...

*************************************************************
"So what are we waiting for?????", Kate asked. She was eager to begin an adventure after being lost on hiatus for quite awhile

"Well maybe we could begin by asking where you've been?" X remarked.

"That is a rather long and complicated story, it's sort of like I'm well an avatar of my earthen counterpart.......that would be Stef, and for awhile she went on hiatus herself, you know the whole high-school and now the college experience. Searching for herself and all that. When that began, she more or less locked me away in her thoughts and I came out when she was really bored and started to doodle out pictures or story ideas", Kate replied

"This is to confusing for me", Hedgehog X stated bluntly.

"Well it's probaly going to get more confusing, as we know how all of these stories go", X said looking around on the cliff. It was very reminisicnt of a scene from one to many over-played fantasy novels and games.

Kate shrugged, "Probaly will"

"What I don't get is ....ok...you were ideally supposed to be a perpetually 15 year old girl except now you look about twenty", HX looked at his sister.

"Damned if I know", Kate said, "My brother is a hedgehog...explain that"

"Look"
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Stiv
I think it was Satan

  

Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 344

Location: Secret Underground Snowbase Box

Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002 4:32 pm    Post subject:

Steve was incredibly disturbed by this turn of events. "So there's something to do with the giant robots that have suspicious lack of accordian again."

"Yep," said Brentai.

".. Well holy fuck, let's go kick their asses or something. Or we could just go on a quest for bacon."

Brentai's eyes enlarged to giant puppy-dog proportions. The two of them had been living in Secret Underground Snowbase Box for over a year now, and it was impossible to go outside due to the constant blizzards, bad-smelling hippies, and Steve's propensity to swear loudly at people with lots of tatoos and peircings, which inevitably led to the Mighty Trinty getting the fuck beat out of them. "But we'd have to go outside!"

"... I know. But bacon, Brentai."

"... I'll think about it. But somebody else is going to have to write the next fucking part. And I sure hope it won't be somebody who's done a KateStory before."

And somewhere, two sexy old men in cardboard robot costumes.. were fucking.
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Büge
Untitled Level 11

Age:22   Gender:Gender:Male

Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 116

Location: The Outer Limits

Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002 6:15 pm    Post subject:

It was night.

There was a man awake, that night. A man who was a Prisoner. He looked in one direction, seeing the consuming darkness of the night encroaching in his window. A lamp glowed cheerily between the man who was a Prisoner and the darkness. He looked the other way. A door stood half-open, light spilling into the room, the only sounds were clicking, as if a large cricket had made its nest in the hallway.

The man who was a Prisoner rubbed the stubble growing on his chin, and looked over to the braid of garlic hanging above the lamp. He sighed. Would the garlic keep the vampires from entering my room, he thought. Probably not, he mused, shaking his head.

He swiveled his chair, and it squealed loudly. Boxes littered the floor, and the man who was a Prisoner decided he'd feel better if he didn't see them. He turned back around, his chair protesting loudly again. His attention was caught by a word on the glowing screen, a word that didn't make sense.

"KateStory," he whispered. He took a sip of tepid water from a plastic cup. The Santa Claus on the side of the cup grinned, as if knowing something the man who was a Prisoner did not.

"What," he asked dramatically to no one, "is a KateStory?"

His only answer was a squeak from his chair.
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Stiv
I think it was Satan

  

Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 344

Location: Secret Underground Snowbase Box

Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002 7:30 pm    Post subject:

Quite suddenly, and out of nowhere, Vincent Price appeared. He was pretty dead, but this somehow didn't stop him from having hot groupies who started go-go dancing upon the command of his abominable sidekick, who was, of course, named Igor.

"KateStory is a horrible amalgamation of nasty, boring, horrible writing strung together with nary a plot, mostly because about fifty billion people write it, although more in practice it's actually like two. The only real main characters are two kids named Kelly and Billy, who may or may not be having hot wild sex on the side. Everything else is just like something out of a horrible fanfic, complete with self-insertion, bad puns, worse writing, poor spelling and grammar from all non-Thad participants, and, of course, more pop culture references than any normal human being could care about."

Then he went and made out with several of his hot groupies. Unfortunately his tongue had rotted away several years ago, but none of them seemed to mind.
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Thad
Untitled Level 14

Age:19   Gender: Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 142

Location: 1611 Uranus Avenue

Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002 8:52 pm    Post subject: Actually, I'm Just Going to Go Play Zombies.

Thad, unlike Büge, was not the first newbie to figure out what was going on and dive right in, and unlike Steve, was not the originator of the BEST POST EVER. No, all he had done was spend his Thursday compiling an archive of the last two KateStories, plus what he still had of Book 9. He'd even dropped the ball on the fact that Kate wasn't supposed to age.

"My bad," he acknowledged, after clearing his throat. "But hell, it's better this way, huh? A perpetual 15-year-old may've made sense when we were 12, but it makes a lot less sense now."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So," said X, "about Kelly."

"Are you still on about Kelly?" Hedgehog X asked.

X shrugged. "Seems like the thing to be on. Anyway, what's the deal? Do we need to find the Giant-Insect-to-Human-Converter of the Gods? Or do we need to teach her how to do a gay-ass meditation thing and then say 'I am TRANSFORMED!'? Maybe work Anticlimax and Mykingdomforanose into the story for nostalgia-value?"

Hedgehog X was silent; he just smiled slightly, in a thoroughly infuriating manner.

"Fine," muttered X, "keep your secrets. But I swear to God, if you start dressing up like Darth Vader again, you can SO consider your nards ALREADY KICKED."

"Heh heh," said Hedgehog X. "Nards."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr. Wily was in the process of formulating a Twisted and Evil Plan, but at that very moment, Ian barged into Thad's room.

"THE PRESIDENT HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED BY NINJAS!" he exclaimed.

So Thad embarked upon a quest to rescue the President with his college buddies.
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Thad
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Orthae
Untitled Level 14

Age:19   Gender: Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 149

Location: Canada

Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002 10:29 pm    Post subject:

On a darker plane of existence, a Tall and broad charactor, sits in silent contemplation. The rooms shear black array is broken only by the slight blue glow before the dark charactor.
"A, Katestory...hmm" The Dark figure whispers silently to himself

"Where did it come from, who brough this to life, and why was it ressurected" The figure spoke quitely

Turning Sharply he points to an exit "Go and find out about this Katestory." The Dark Figure extends his Left arm and points to an Exit.
The shadows Twist as two small Domo-Kins flee this plane.

===============================================


The light burned hot and bright upon the exit of Stivs and Brentai's -Ghetto-Pad-of-Mackin-and-sweet-sweet-lovin.

Little noise was heard untill the Scream of a Silioet was heard down the street.
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Malice for the ages
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Matchbox Killer
Untitled Rank 20

Age:17   Gender: Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 230

Location: Buttnarnia

Posted: Fri Aug 30, 2002 9:24 pm    Post subject:

Thad, having deep love and respect for the president, set out to rescue him from his ninja kidnappers. There was a majestic sunset as Thad set out on his quest, as if nature was lighting a path to encourage Thad on. Since Thad was a bright young fellow that came from a poor village, he knew that he had no real chance of defeating ninjas by his lone-some. He felt discouraged, he sat on the curb to contemplate his plan for the presidental rescue. "What can defeat a group of ninjas, especially ninjas that have enough balls to kidnap the president?" Thad asked himself. "What is cool enough to defeat a ninja?". Just then Thad sat up as if he had come across the secret to defeating Microsoft. Thad had a new zeal, as he realized that ninjas with guitars could defeat ninjas. He then began to fight squirrels and chipmunks to level up, seeing as he could not make the journey to the guitar wielding ninjas. After gaining a few levels Thad had to access as to the where abouts of the guitar wielding ninjas, which were foretold in the legendry book of "Ninja, we are cooler than you!".
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All I really want from life is a new lobster harmonica...
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Orthae
Untitled Level 14

Age:19   Gender: Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 149

Location: Canada

Posted: Fri Aug 30, 2002 11:17 pm    Post subject:

Matchbox Killer wrote:
Thad had a new zeal, as he realized that ninjas with guitars could defeat ninjas. !".





Thad Setting out in his new outfit, began an gruesome and trully terrorifying Quest.
To save President Ralph Wiggum....
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I have bad GrAmMer bEcAuse I Hate you. We call it, Spite!
www.geocities.com/orthae182/

Malice for the ages
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Stiv
I think it was Satan

  

Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 344

Location: Secret Underground Snowbase Box

Posted: Sat Aug 31, 2002 12:40 am    Post subject:

At this point, Steve decided to completely hijack the story and do something incredibly unusual with it - actually tie it back into the beginning, but perhaps with lots of healthy references to Nazis and the Amazing Mr. H.

So. It was Tuesday. Tuesday was the day that Kelly turned into a giant fucking cockroach. She was pretty upset because she couldn't go to work at the spam factory today and was probably going to get canned, but this was a small concern compared to the fact that her older brother had started pelting her with incredibly hard fruit.

"You fucking cockroach!" he screamed, partly because Kelly was, indeed, a cockroach. Finally she decided 'Screw this, I'm going to Tromavilla!' So she did, and became the world's most famous softcore porn bug actress. That's enough about Kelly.

Elsewhere in the storyThad and his magical ninjas had, in fact, managed to rescue the President. They'd had some help from the Holy Trinty, but now the President (or 'Ronny' as he was sometimes called) was pretty pissed off that he even had to be saved by Ninjas. "I used to snap JAPS IN HALF WITH MY BIG TOE!!!" he yelled in his age-addled insanity, partly because he was no longer the President. "I sentence you all to.. THE MACHINE!!!!!!"

Judging from the large amount of exclimation points, it was going to be a pretty horrible experience. In fact, it was. It turns out that THE MACHINE!!!!!! was co-oped, like the other good bits of Katestory, from something else. In this case, a short story by a charming little German Jew who happened to die of consumption or something before his family got blown up by Zyklon-B. If you can't guess what the fuck it was, you're obviously a dumbass.

Thad's crime - GRAMAR NAZI!
Brent's crime - PORN NAZI!
Stiv's crime - PUNK ROCK NAZI!
The Crimes of the Ninjas - NINJA NAZIS!
Ronny's Crime - ACTING NAZI!

The Amazing Mr. H, his body long since decayed, laughed manically and screamed something incomprehensible in German, wiggled his eyebrows sexily, and gave that special smile that only the Amazing Mr. H could give. The crowd burst into applause, given that the fucking self-insertion bullshit was over and hopefully wouldn't start up again.

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Thad
Untitled Level 14

Age:19   Gender: Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 142

Location: 1611 Uranus Avenue

Posted: Mon Sep 02, 2002 6:18 pm    Post subject: Continuity Rears Its Ugly Head

"Dammit, Steve," Thad shouted at the bathroom door, "self-insertion is not intrinsically bad! Didn't you read Breakfast of Ch --

"Saaaay," Thad said, furrowing his brow, "you're not in there shoving a shampoo bottle up your ass, are you?"

The grunting that followed affirmed Thad's worst fears.

"Okay, THAT kind of self-insertion is intrinsically bad," he noted.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I get the distinct impression," X growled, "that you are biding your time for some reason."

Hedgehog X smiled one of his trademark infuriating smiles.

"You practice those in the mirror when nobody's around, don't you?" X accused.

"Okay, so he's biding his time," Kate agreed. "But we ought to do SOMETHING until he plays his hand. What do you think, metal-man?"

"We do what we do best," X said, and then, posing dramatically for the narrative camera, "We fight for everlasting peace!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The string of bells on the door tinkled.

"Welcome to Maleophonix's Dry Cleaning and Nuclear Waste Removal!" a horribly off-key voice half-sang. "Saaaaay...don't I know you?"

The figure simply shrugged in a thoroughly dull fashion.

"Yeah! You're that Rent-a-Hero, Anticlimax! Let me guess...dry cleaning."

"Yes," Anticlimax said anticlimactically, and handed Maleophonix the large garment bag labeled "Dry Cleaning" he had carried in.

As Continuity reared its ugly head, fewer and fewer newbies seemed willing to brave the unfamiliarity and just jump the fuck in like good little newbies.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brent and his avatar, Hedgehog X, continued to bide their time.

Fuck them, Thad decided, I am going to make myself a quesadilla.
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Thad
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Geek Mafia
Untitled

Age:18   Gender: Male

Joined: 01 Sep 2002
Posts: 2

Location: Western Hemisphere

Posted: Mon Sep 02, 2002 7:23 pm    Post subject: Being a good little newbie...

The wall behind the Amazing Mr.H exploded, sending chunks of brick and mortar flying though the air. Before the dust had a chance to settle, the Rent-a-Grunt Commandos stormed in like good little GI Joe parodies and began to give Amazing Mr.H's Lab the once over with there fists, feet, teeth, and other appendages.

"LUNCH BREAK" shouted the Sergeant Rent-a-Grunt. With that they began to march out, stomping on the mauled remains of the Amazing Mr.H.

As life ebbed out of the Amazing Mr. H's body, he could only speak one raspy, hushed word...

"Rosebud..."

(Editors Note: Bring on the grammar Gestapo... I do believe I'm dead)
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Brentai
Moretto no Shikata

Age:19   Gender: Male

Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 220


Posted: Mon Sep 02, 2002 7:48 pm    Post subject:

PHPBB had, effectively, nixed Brentai's post.

His extremely, excrutiatingly long post.

His Fucking Bible Sized post.

Brentai, at this point, didn't care, and let KateStory bleed to death and die underneath the relentless scorching Puchiko Head.
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Detonator
Untitled Rank 18

Age:16   Gender: Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 181

Location: Up in dis hizzouse

Posted: Mon Sep 02, 2002 9:32 pm    Post subject:

The internet is nothing but electrical impulses and theoretical zeroes and ones that exist as microscopic switches that become ever smaller as the future progresses. The entire internet takes about one square inch of real space on the real Earth. KateStory exists on this internet. Given this information, what happened was still relatively far away from KateStory.

"Kate Story... a work of limitless possibilities. There are no rules, so there are no rules to break. Anything is possible, even narciccistic self-insertion."

A figure sipped a Coca-Cola Classic in a chair in a room.

"Could this be... an unbreakable story? Every story is brought down by fagg0ts, lam0rs, hax0rs, lazy webmasters, and the like. It's mindnumbingly simple to destroy the best of stories, which is why mindnumbingly simple people do."

------------------------------------

Meanwhile, another storyline is added that will never be tied into an important part of the plot.

------------------------------------

EXCERPT FROM LIQUIDSHARKEY.COM BBS:

"RE: KateStory

--

I don't know, a story that can't be fucked up? Sounds impossible.

--


It is. Simple as that. What, it went public a week ago? Don't worry about it.

--

Look people, this is NOT an ordinary story. It has years of fuckupedness behind it, and it has taken a life of its own.

--

Are you hopped up on goofballs again, Det? You're overreacting to a stupid god damn story. Just ignore it and it will go away.

--

There's something wrong about it, seriously. It can't be ignored. We knew nothing about it for YEARS, and it only gets larger. It will envelop us all in its... maw. It must... BE DESTROYED.

--

Have I told you that you're fucking retarded? Consider this topic closed.

--
--
This post has been locked by Brentai. No more replies may be made to this post."

--------------------------

"He knows. He's part of it. It's... happening..."
The figure took a deep breath.
"I have to destroy it."
_________________
...On second thought, scratch that.
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Thad
Untitled Level 14

Age:19   Gender: Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 142

Location: 1611 Uranus Avenue

Posted: Tue Sep 03, 2002 9:42 pm    Post subject: The Holy Trinity! WITH EXCLUSIVE BATMAN VS SUPERMAN PREVIEW!

Thad was annoyed. He was very annoyed.

"I swear to God I received a Presidential pardon for accidentally sending those hundreds and hundreds of bounces to everyone who sent me any E-Mail in the past month," he muttered.

"Reagan can't grant fucking Presidential pardons anymore," Steve observed.

"...It was supposed to be King George II," Thad responded. "You changed it."

"Such is the mystery of the KateStory!" Brent observed, sneaking up behind the two of them and putting his arms around their respective necks.

"Oh, by the way," Thad said, "at the risk of sounding horribly condescending...uhhhh, you might consider writing the Biblically-long chapters in a text editor or something so that you don't have to submit to the whims of the boards...that's what I generally do. Plus I'm archiving all these fuckers, since that's what I do.

"Note also," Thad added, "that I accidentally posted this as its own topic instead of a fucking reply. I'm becoming convinced that when I do this, it's some kind of bizarre quirk with the boards, not my doing, because it happens so damned often. ...So thanks to having it in a text editor, I had no trouble re-copying it to the proper spot."

"Anyway," Brad observed, "I think that we all know that Resnet stands for Really Eally Stupid Nitwited Eally Tongues. Which means really nothing, but that's what it stands for."

They were sitting in the Fortress of Crap(t)itude, playing darts and generally Kicking It.

"You know," Thad observed, "we really ought to settle on the actual name of this place. Crapitude, or Craptitude? Because you guys basically alternated on the spelling every chapter in XI."

That's when the Holy Trinity Light-Puke-Off-Beige-Alert went off.

"WE GOT MOVIE SIGN!" everybody shouted. They shouted this every time the alarm went off, but they still thought it was funny.

They slid down the Trinity Poles, came out in their Super Trinity Forms --

Superasshole!
Brenteye!
Yellowjackass!
Captain Madagascar!

-- and jumped into the Ecto-1.

"Man, you LIKE sliding down my Trinity Pole," Captain Madagascar remarked to everybody in particular.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I am Arthur, King of the Britons!" shouted the commanding voice of Douglas Adams's former roommate. "I seek the Holy Grail!"

Work in your own Dark Is Rising reference here, in keeping with the motif of early KateStories.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EXCLUSIVE PREVIEW

BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN

The Bat Signal appears over Gotham. Batman heads out into the night.

"Scan for Superman," Batman says tersely to the Batmobile computer.

Suddenly, and purely for dramatic effect, Superman fries most of the Batmobile with his heat vision. He then proceeds to swoop down and crush it like a tin can. A small amount of blood and gray matter oozes out one of the cracks.

COMING 2004

"That was not a clip," Jay Sherman stated, "that was the whole movie."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next time, on KateStory...

I am annoyed. I am very annoyed.
I am annoyed. I am very annoyed.
I am annoyed. I am very annoyed.
Surf's. Up. Dudes.
Whoooooooooooa.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Note to Det: Duuuuude. Was that real, or did you just make it up? Either way, it ROCKED MY FACE.)
_________________
I hate you all.

Thad
http://dana.ucc.nau.edu/~tb9/


Last edited by Thad on Wed Sep 04, 2002 11:46 pm, edited 1 time in total
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Brentai
Moretto no Shikata

Age:19   Gender: Male

Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 220


Posted: Wed Sep 04, 2002 1:29 pm    Post subject: Re: The Holy Trinity! WITH EXCLUSIVE BATMAN VS SUPERMAN PREV

"Hey, hey, hey!" Brent complained, albeit lately since it was now several scenes later. "I don't MEAN to write Biblically long posts, it just... happens. And then other things happen. Ya know?"

He started to write some more, but then his short break ended and he had to get back to class. "Curses! Foiled again!" he cried, and with a snap of his fingers, transformed Hedgehog X irreversibly into a singing candy machine, never to arise from the mists of obscurity again.

Elsewhere...

I am annoyed. I am very annoyed.
I am annoyed. I am very annoyed.
I am annoyed. I am very annoyed.
Surf's. Up. Dudes.
Whoooooooooooa.




WHO RULES THE BEACHES?!?!?!
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Stiv
I think it was Satan

  

Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 344

Location: Secret Underground Snowbase Box

Posted: Wed Sep 04, 2002 4:46 pm    Post subject:

"Surfers rule!" said the precocious little girl with the really fake-looking swastika tatoo on her cheek. "And WHO RULES THE SURFERS!?" the suspiciously slavic-looking Surf Nazi leader asked in response.

"THE AMAZING MR. H!!" came the reply, and this time superslav Hitler Immitation was terrified. Oh no, he thought, It's Hitler's Death Car!

Elsewhere, an Italian porn star and a girl named Tony were 'getting busy' but that has nothing whatesoever to do with the story.

Then Stiv said 'fuck this' and just asked somebody to put the goddamned thing out of its misery. Jesus.
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Detonator
Untitled Rank 18

Age:16   Gender: Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 181

Location: Up in dis hizzouse

Posted: Wed Sep 04, 2002 9:07 pm    Post subject:

X stared, very impressed at his former friend, now an immobile gumball machine who has a tendency to break out in showtunes. He then stared at the Candy Machine's equally impressed sister, who was still staring at the machine, but quickly followed suit and stared at X.

"Well..."

"Well..."

Kate blinked. Out of existance that is. Her real world counterpart must have thought singing gumball dispensers weren't nearly as exciting as "Mr. T vs. the Spice Girls ate my balls dance", which was bookmarked three times in Stef's folder, under "Mr. T", "Dancing", and "Miscellaneous".

X looked at the Gumball Machine, who had finished a rousing rendition of "Magical Mister Mestopholes" and was now silent.

And then something expected happened. A gumball dropped out. Then another. And another. But there was a longer pause after this one.

"Of COURSE! Old Morse code!" X picked up on the machine's communication suprisingly quickly. He studied the dispenser intently, loudly saying each letter.

"T-O-C-H-A-N-G-E-M-E-B-A-C-K-F-I-N-D-H-O-L-Y-B-R-"

And that was the last gumball. X fumbled to his knees quickly to collect the gumballs to give the Machine a chance to complete its vitally important message. But the gumballs had rolled over the cliff, fallen into an eternal void never to be seen again.

"This is not over," X exclaimed, "I will not rest until I have found suitable candy for you to dispense rhythmically!"

And like that, the machine exploded in one of Brent's Tourette's-induced fits.

But it didn't matter, since X wasn't going to do it anyway.
_________________
...On second thought, scratch that.
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Thad
Untitled Level 14

Age:19   Gender: Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 142

Location: 1611 Uranus Avenue

Posted: Wed Sep 04, 2002 10:50 pm    Post subject: Mmmmm...magic brie.

"MALEOPHONIX! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" X screamed in utter heartbreak.

After a moment of silence, X pondered Maleophonix's final message. "Six times nine...uhhh, I mean, Magic br...what? Bra? Brie? Brains?"

"Dibs on Magic Bra," Thad said.

"Dude," X said, "KateStory magic. Do you REALLY wanna be sliding into second and suddenly teleport to ANOTHER DIMENSION?"

"Well, it WOULD fit my voyeu --"

Then Thad exploded. Because the reference was entirely too goddamn obvious.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Of course, Thad was simultaneously in his Superasshole form, off on a GNARLY ADVENTURE with the ultimate superhero team, The Holy Trinity.

Such was the mystery of KateStory.

Superasshole posed dramatically, hovering in the air and pointing at Mr. H in a condemning fashion. Space cum radiated off him like fire.

"Mr. H," Thad growled, "your reign of terror and sheepfucking is over like that little Jake Lloyd fucker's career. I hereby sentence you to cosmic slavery on EXILE ISLE...you and Captain Cracker ought to get along nicely."

He held aloft his magic sword and shouted his mighty battlecry: "I HATE YOU ALL!"

Mr. H disappeared into obscurity to power The Justice Machine, and the Holy Trinity started home.

Somewhere, Mr. Shithead the Shithead was being a shithead of some variety.
_________________
I hate you all.

Thad
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Stef
Untitled

  Gender:Female

Joined: 29 Aug 2002
Posts: 3


Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2002 12:17 pm    Post subject:


Stef woke up with a start where she had previously fallen asleep.

"That was some f'ed up dream I had", She said outloud to nobody in particular given that her roommates both had boyfriends are were off getting ass while she was doomed to a life of slavery over the books because she could never make up her mind on who she actually wanted. "I haven't thought about that weird Sonic shit in awhile except in the occasional im converation with Thad where we bitch about our lack of sex and general stupidiity of things"

She grudingly picked up her mathwork and threw it down with a vengence...screw this shit...I'm done with the schooling for tonight.

It was Thursday night.

It was time to get her drink on.

Stef walked out of the res. hall and into Mr Shithead the Shithead, who also happened to be one of Stef's many exes...
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Orthae
Untitled Level 14

Age:19   Gender: Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 149

Location: Canada

Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2002 8:28 pm    Post subject:

"A Turn for the worst" the Amazing Mr. H exclamed as he rolled over and hugged Stef. Bright eyed Stef looks at the Amazing Mr. H and starts to question herself.
"How drunk was I?"
"Why is hitlers head in a jar?"
"What did I do with hitlers head?"
"....Am I still drunk?"
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

In a cold sweat Thad wakes up to notice that above him a eerie glow emites from a swirling coin. Thad speaks in that I-just-woke-up-from-the-grave-kinda voice "Wow, never noticed that before".
Yawning Thad steps out of bed. noticing another oddity around his room.
"What the Fuck are you two doing here?" Thad spoke in disgust as he turned his eyes away from a E-Longated Yet smiling X and a disgrutled looking Ophilia...
_________________
I have bad GrAmMer bEcAuse I Hate you. We call it, Spite!
www.geocities.com/orthae182/

Malice for the ages
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Detonator
Untitled Rank 18

Age:16   Gender: Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 181

Location: Up in dis hizzouse

Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2002 9:09 pm    Post subject:


Are you telling me I made out with Hitler's disembodied head?


Ummm... yeeeeaaah.... "made out"...


I'm getting out of here.


Getting out of here? Take a look around.




Shit! We're in jail! What did we do?


It's probably better you don't know.

suddenly...




Our cell blew up! We're free!


Let's get a move on!




I'll drive!
_________________
...On second thought, scratch that.
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Stiv
I think it was Satan

  

Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 344

Location: Secret Underground Snowbase Box

Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2002 9:33 pm    Post subject:

"FUCK!" Stiv said. He had just written a brilliant post to continue the dramatic story of the Amazing Mr. H. and Stef, but unfortunately it had been deleted.

So this.. is the story.

As Stef and Hitler piled into the car and the two of them valiantly restrained from any 'giving head' jokes regarding the night before, Stef slid into the passenger seat, the Amazing Mr. H. and his glass jar occupying the driver's side. It took Stef a moment to figure out that she was going to have to help Hitler drive the Death Car, so she slid over to hold him in her lap so that his teeth could grip the wheel while she worked the pedals.

"MMrhrghlgh!" Hitler said, as they zoomed down the streets of Berlin, crushing the Allied forces under the spiked, giant tires of Hitler's Death Car.

"What?" Asked Stef, removing Hitler's head from the wheel so he could say something intelligible.

"It's really fucking hard to drive!" he whined. Stef gave him a consoling pat on.. THE HEAD! Unfortunately, being touched in this manner caused Hitler's disembodied head to get quite randy, and the next thing they knew they were having impromptu wild Nazi sex again. Unfortunately, this caused them to miss something that would cause them to go.. TO HELL! Hitler's Death Car was about to run over..



DUCKIES. As the Death Car piled over them, and their little ducky screams filled the air, God decided that it was time to bring an abrupt end to the reign of Hitler.. FOR GOOD.

And this is how he did it:





Next thing the Amazing Mr. H's head knew, it was on the end of a stick being smacked into some guy's skull.



... This, truely, was Hell.

But what of Stef? What of the duckies? What's happened to the rest of the happy gang? Why the Amazing Mr. H? Why were Stef and Hitler improsoned? For that matter, why were they fucking?

Find out.. NEXT TIME!
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Matchbox Killer
Untitled Rank 20

Age:17   Gender: Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 230

Location: Buttnarnia

Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2002 11:38 pm    Post subject:

After the duckies were killed, they went to heaven where X resided. X and the duckies became good friends, seeing as how they both had mutual aquatences.
"I'm so bored in heaven duckies. There's no mavericks for me to kill and therefore I can not steal any "powers" from anybody. I tried to shot god, but I couldn't, because he doesn't follow any attack pattern that I can figure out"

"Quack, quack." Said the duckies, who never knew what X was talking about, but they thought they should humor him with a response.

"..." X had nothing else to say to the duckies.

Since the duckies had been so kind to X, god thought they should get a new chance at life. God gave the ducks their life back, but as a bonus, he gave them super powers so that they would never be run over by cars again.
With their new found powers, the duckies set out to find the Amazing Mr. H, so that they could avenge their death. Ducky Squid GO!
_________________
All I really want from life is a new lobster harmonica...
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Detonator
Untitled Rank 18

Age:16   Gender: Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 181

Location: Up in dis hizzouse

Posted: Fri Sep 06, 2002 12:02 pm    Post subject:

X was happy. He was immortal. It was all planned out with Hedgehog X beforehand. If one of them was ever to die, they were to impersonate the other, so they were checked off, and thus, would never be killed. This only worked because they had the same name ("Hedgehog" was only added unofficially to avoid mix ups, although some people still got confused).

Anyway, something happened between X, Thad, and Ophilia, and they set off on a magical journey to the cave of monsters.

----------------------------------


Wow! What a wipe out! Are you okay Hitler?




Ohh, that's-a spicy meatball!

Just then


QUACK QUACK


Duckies! You're all okay! Thank god!

Not another sound was uttered. As silently as the night, the duckies moved in.
_________________
...On second thought, scratch that.
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Gunslinger
Untitled Rank 21

Age:18   Gender: Male

Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 272

Location: The Wastelands

Posted: Fri Sep 06, 2002 12:43 pm    Post subject:

In a flurry of feathers the duckies closed in on The Amazing Mr. H. Screaming in horror, but unable to run, Mr. H did the only thing he could. He closed his eyes and prayed Ishkur.

Ishkur ignored the prayer.

The duckies ripped every piece of hair from the head of Mr. H, individually mind you. This caused Mr. H to go insane. He began to babble about secret bases and reincarnation devices. The duckies devoured him. They now inhabit a small town home in NYC.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hedgehog X heard the mutterings of Mr. H and decided to investigate. He was lonely without his drinking buddy X. Granted that meant he had more beer for himself, it just wasn't the same.

Hedgehog X set off on his quest to bring X back to life.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stef, having just witnessed a gang of super powered duckies devour her beloved's head, got up and walked away.

"What was I doing screwing a head? Maybe I should quit drinkin'... ... ...Nah!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The bits and pieces of the head of the Amazing Mr. H's head now resided in the bowels of several super powered duckies. Yet somehow all the parts were still alive. They still had a mission to accomplish. Somehow they would escape the duckie guts and move on...
_________________
"The Daves didn't put up the fliers, so there's no guests. Gutter never showed, so there's no beer. The equipment blew up so there's no band. And I think Robby and Deej Might be dead." "What, no beer?!?"


Last edited by Gunslinger on Fri Sep 06, 2002 11:09 pm, edited 1 time in total
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Stiv
I think it was Satan

  

Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 344

Location: Secret Underground Snowbase Box

Posted: Fri Sep 06, 2002 4:22 pm    Post subject:

"Quack," said Ultraducky X, the leader of the Divine Ducky Squad. Their super God-given ducky powers had made them into the crimefighting superheros that NYC had always needed; still, their worst foe.. was THEMSELVES.

"Quackquack quack," said Ultraducky X's companion, Superducky Z. The two of them were having an argument about what to do with the remains of the Amazing Mr. H, whom they had crapped out over the period of several months.

"DANGER, QUACK ALERT!" boomed a voice, and the duckies had to stop arguing - the Amazing Mr. H was wreaking havoc on the city again. And this time.. it was personal.

----

"No, Mr. H!" Stef screamed, cowering in a corner. The reconstituted head of Mr. H shambled towards her - made of shit, smashed into the head of a fag, and now.. moving in for some sweet, sweet lovin'.

And then...

"QUUUAAAAACCCCKKKK!!"

"Oh no!" the Amazing Mr. H yelled, "It's.. THE DUCKIES!"

"Quack!" called Ultraducky X.
"Quackquack!" yelled Superducky Z.
"Your number's up! Monster!" yelled DuckyQuoter, the only ducky who could speak English - but sadly only horribly mistranslated video game quotes.

"Curses! The duckies have foiled my evil plans!" cursed Amazing Mr. H. He started shambling, slowly, out of the abandoned warehouse where he had cornered Stef. "I'll get you yet, duckies!"

"Oh, duckies!" said Stef, "I love you all!"

And then.. they had ducky sex.
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Gunslinger
Untitled Rank 21

Age:18   Gender: Male

Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 272

Location: The Wastelands

Posted: Fri Sep 06, 2002 11:11 pm    Post subject:

Pumped full of duckie...er...love, Stef felt fulfilled(In more than one way). Her coupling with the heavenly duckie squad, all of them, Stef had conceived a new messiah. Part holy-duckie, part human. The messiah grew within Stef in a matter of minutes, so as to make the plot move quicker(to its demise no doubt). The baby/duckling was born, a new scapegoat for all the world's sins.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mr. H, seeing the turn of events, walked past the exhausted, libido-fulfilled duckies. Here was a chance for all of his sins to be forgiven...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile:
Hedgehog X was exploring Mr. H's reincarnation lab. What he found there was beyond description.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At that same moment:
X was seriously upset with Hedgehog X's impersonation of him. Hedgehog X rented a pile of porno's on X's account. Now it wasn't the fact that he had done that which upset X. It was the fact that he wouldn't be able to enjoy them before they had to be returned.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elsewhere:
The president was back to enjoying the "perks" of office, if you catch my drift.
_________________
"The Daves didn't put up the fliers, so there's no guests. Gutter never showed, so there's no beer. The equipment blew up so there's no band. And I think Robby and Deej Might be dead." "What, no beer?!?"
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Brentai
Moretto no Shikata

Age:19   Gender: Male

Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 220


Posted: Sat Sep 07, 2002 11:44 am    Post subject:

Somewhere else, Brentai was absolutely confused about the plot of KateStory, which he figured was a good thing, but still way too confusing. It basically meant he couldn't really continue any of the Hitler/Duck/Old Friend Humping Disembodied Heads story arc, but seeing as how he had hit a massive writer's block after the first entry anyway, it didn't turn out to be a problem.

Brentai picked up his katana and tapped it on his shoulder a bit contemplatively. What he was contemplating was, in fact, the katana. Why did he have it? As far as swords go, katanas were about his least favorite type, because he's just that much of an iconoclast, and also because he genuinely just didn't like them. A good longsword is the absolute best kind of sword to have around for its beauty and workmanship, though if Brentai were to actually get into a fight he'd rather be carrying a nice heavy falchion. Or, ideally, not a sword at all but a pair of knives. Brentai'd raise some holy hell, then.

Brentai got up from his laptop and paced around the room, tapping the katana on his shoulder and contemplating. Why were there so many author-insertions in KateStory? Granted, there was only one left, so that was a stupid question. How should he add to the story without resorting to senseless violence in the direction of other authors? He half-finished this thought when a hole opened up underneath him and sent him to Hell.

Hell consisted of an empty space consisting of Thad bitching about not having enough sex, Stef bitching about not having enough sex, and Bill Gates bitching about not having enough money. Despite them all being dead by logical right Brentai still found a way to kill everyone else and went back to contemplating that last question. He looked around.

"Er, oops," he said.
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Orthae
Untitled Level 14

Age:19   Gender: Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 149

Location: Canada

Posted: Sat Sep 07, 2002 3:04 pm    Post subject:

With Brentai rampadly murdering dead souls, Thad continued to bitch about not having sex. Stef then had an epiphany, Why not offer Thad, the amazing Mr. H's disembodied head?

"Why not have relations with the Amazing Mr. H??" spoke Stef in sudden aspiration.

Thad quickly yelled after Brentai "Kill HER!! KILL HER!!!!!"
___________________________________________________________

Shuttering to life in a cold Sweat while sitting in front of a glowing TV screen, Phoneixultama spurs to life. "What a fucking Twisted dream, I will never fall asleep while playing SUPER HAPPY FUN TURBO X ALPHA Z again" exclaims Phoneix. only To look up and see........
_________________
I have bad GrAmMer bEcAuse I Hate you. We call it, Spite!
www.geocities.com/orthae182/

Malice for the ages
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Detonator
Untitled Rank 18

Age:16   Gender: Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 181

Location: Up in dis hizzouse

Posted: Sat Sep 07, 2002 8:28 pm    Post subject:

...A gumball machine humming showtunes.

"Where am I?" PhoenixUltima gulped.

"I dunno. I was Hedgehog X once, but now I just don't know."

---------------------------------------

X had a revelation.

"If Hedgehog X is dead, why is he ordering porn on Earth?"

He thought a moment.

"Hedgehog X ISN'T DEAD! He lied to me! He said he was!"

Just then Hedgehog X entered X's apartment with a stack of magazines.

"Just went to the ol' porno store, X." He slammed down the magazines on the table in front of X, "You can read them if you want, but they're due back in 20 minutes.

X stared at X.

"Hedgehog?"

"Yes?"

"Aren't you dead?"

"Sure."

"THEN WHY ARE YOU ALIVE?"

"Curses!"

"I knew it! An IMPOSTOR!"

The impostor looked around nervously.

"You... you will never find out who I am!"

"We'll see about that!" X grabbed a chunk of the imposter's hair. "OUCH!"

Except it was X that was hurting. The real X. Not the hedgehog looking fellow.

X gaped at the hedgehog spines sticking in his arm.

"Why... why was I programmed to feel PAIN?!"

The imposter rolled his eyes.

"I'm a hedgehog you idiot. Touching me hurts."

"But you're an imposter! "

"Yes, but... BYE!" The imposter ran for the door.

"Oh no you don't! I equip myself with BUBBLE LEAD!"

Nothing happened.

"Shit, has it been a year already? Shit."

The imposter was gone.

"Shit..."

--------------------------------------------------

The Mother of Plot Connection appeared! COMMAND?

:ask katestory plot

I don't know what "plot" is.

:ask katestory shit

Okay, here's the shit on katestory. Ever since the gumball machine fiasco, Hedgehog X has been dead. After that, an imposter has been ordering porn and checking out Mr. H's reincarnation lab in his name. MAKE A CONNECTION, STUPID.

The Mother of Plot Connection dissapeared!

:kill self

You need rope.
_________________
...On second thought, scratch that.
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Thad
Untitled Level 14

Age:19   Gender: Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 142

Location: 1611 Uranus Avenue

Posted: Sat Sep 07, 2002 9:06 pm    Post subject: The guacamole was shedding its light silently...

X ran out into the rain. He quickly double-checked to verify that it wasn't magic rain. It wasn't.

Then he had an idea.

He must KILL THE RAIN and GAIN ITS POWER.

X started unloading powered-up plasma balls into the surrounding raindrops.

Meanwhile, a block away, Jojo the Flippin' Elf neatly folded his Hedgehog X costume and threw it in a dumpster.

--------------------------------------------------

WHO was the X in heaven? Was he, indeed, the one, true HEDGEHOG X pretending to be X? Or was he X himself from 15 minutes in the future?

WHO was Maleophonix the Singing Candy Machine? Was he, in fact, the one, true HEDGEHOG X, transformed into Maleophonix the Singing Candy machine? If so, how had he come back from the dead? He had exploded...hadn't he?

And really...what the fuck was all that Hitler/Ducky sex about, anyway?

KateStory had degenerated into incomprehensible chaos.

FINALLY.

It sure took them long enough.

--------------------------------------------------

A bowl of guacamole sat on the table, quietly menacing. Uncle Ben had left it there days ago. He had repeatedly promised to clean it up, but so far had only put the lid back on when it turned brown.

--------------------------------------------------

Billy ordered a stiff drink.

"Kelly's a bug," he noted, "and that little plot point seems to've been pushed to the background." He downed his stiff drink promptly, whereafter he promptly passed out.

"YES," hissed the twisted and evil Dr. Wily, removing his bartender mask and wiggling his eyebrows seductively. "With the capture of Billy...NOW THE WORLD IS MINE!"

--------------------------------------------------

What does Billy von Garda have to do with Dr. Wily's twisted and evil scheme?

What the fuck is up with this "Kelly is a bug" plot, anyway? When will somebody finally decide the plot's worth resolving and let Kelly go back to her job in the Spam factory?

Will X beat the fuck out of the rain and gain its power? Or will he give up, go back home, and thumb through pseudo-HX's stack of Huge Knockers, and return them in twenty minutes?

Find out the answer to none of these questions whatsoever when the next drunken hillbilly writes the next completely incomprehensible chapter of...KATESTORY XII! <Thunderclap...HOOOOOO!!!!>
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I hate you all.

Thad
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Thad
Untitled Level 14

Age:19   Gender: Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 142

Location: 1611 Uranus Avenue

Posted: Sat Sep 14, 2002 7:38 pm    Post subject: ACTION-PACKED RETURN!

Thad sat poring over a pamphlet titled So What the Fuck Is My Major Now? It had been nearly a week since he had single-handedly ruined KateStory. Now, drastic action must be taken...it was time...for a DOUBLE-POST.

--------------------------------------------------

Dr. Wily steepled his hands in a twisted and evil fashion, and did the Evil Villain Hand Thing.

Billy von Garda lay in the corner, bound and gagged and looking extremely pissed. Dr. Wily waggled his eyebrows at Billy seductively.

Suddenly, a dark, six-legged shape dropped from the ceiling.

"A GIANT ROACH!" Dr. Wily shouted, twistedly and evilly.

"Wh -- whuh?" Stoner-Guy lifted his head and took notice at this proclamation.

Stoner-Guy did not have time to process the situation at hand before a familiar blue shape burst through the wall and shouted "OH YEAH!"

"Thank you, friendly cockroach!" X said. "You have led me directly to the stronghold of Dr. Wily, in defiance of all proper chronology!" He leveled his X-Buster and a steely gaze at Dr. Wily and said, "Eat logical impossibility, you son of a bitch."

"Not so fast!" Dr. Wily said in a twisted and evil voice. "Look over there!"

"WHERE?!" X shouted, and whirled in the direction Wily had pointed. Wily proceeded to escape.

"Greetings, X," said a figure who just so happened to be in the direction Wily had pointed. "I am...REVERSE COCKROACH." It bears noting that Reverse Cockroach was not the same cockroach as the giant cockroach who had entered earlier. The latter was, of course, Kelly in cockroach form.

"YOU WILL DIE, MAVERICK!" X screamed.

"Uh, wait," Reverse Cockroach protested. "I'm not a Maverick."

"Silence, Maverick!" X shouted. "You must be RETIRED! EAT BURNING RAIN DEATH!"

"Burning rain death?" Reverse Cockroach asked meekly.

"Nmmmf mjk rm?!" Billy gasped into his gag.

X jumped into the air and body-slammed Reverse Cockroach from above.

"Look, I'm sure we can -- OW! -- work this out sensibly," Reverse Cockroach suggested. "OW! Now really, there's no need for -- OW!"

At last, X's repeating Rain Bodyslam caused Reverse Cockroach to explode in a shower of flame and sparks.

"I will acquire his weapon," X said dramatically, and did. "I have acquired...the COCKROACH REVERSE!" He proceeded to fire his new weapon at the nearest cockroach, which reverted to Kelly.

"Hey, how 'bout that," X said, and beamed out.

Kelly looked at Billy. Billy hoped she was thinking that she'd sure like to have some variety of wild bondage sex with him immediately while he was all tied up. Horrifyingly, Thad ended his narrative and left the continuation up to the freaks who had written the sex scene between the poor innocent(?) Jewish girl and Hitler's head.
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I hate you all.

Thad
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Stiv
I think it was Satan

  

Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 344

Location: Secret Underground Snowbase Box

Posted: Sat Sep 14, 2002 8:35 pm    Post subject:

Well, now you've gone and made me cry. Jesus. Didn't you notice this thing was dead anyway? NOW IT'S DEADDER THAN ME.

And with that, Hitler spontaneously combusted. Again.

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Brentai
Moretto no Shikata

Age:19   Gender: Male

Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 220


Posted: Sat Sep 14, 2002 9:39 pm    Post subject:

Brentai had not, in fact, single-handedly destroyed KateStory, but had done a great deal more for its unavoidable demise than anybody else by merit of having resurrected and subsequently abandoned it. He looked around.

At this unspecified point in time Brentai was standing in the middle of a ghastly cathedral which he was not wont to describe, seeing as how most anybody else could do it and better. Kelly was no longer a bug, Billy was in bondage, and from where Brentai was standing, all loose threads had been tied up or, in many more places, cut off. Except for one.

Standing in front of Brentai was a small malformed bat named KateStory.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRAGH!" screamed KateStory, hoping that would be sufficient to make its point. Of course, it was going to continue whether the point was made or not. And so it did.

"I thought I would just give up, oh yes. Just flit on to story afterlife and leave my archives up on Thad's site to be spat on. And then what happens?"

Brentai yawned. He knew this part.

"I am quite maliciously yanked back into existence by an unseen force. On, I should add, a message board unfamiliar with my proper care and handling. And who should I see thrusting me into such a position without so much as an explanation of what you're doing?"

"Look..."

"GRAAAAAAAGH!"

"Look, we all know the bit. How about I just kill you one last time with this Banal Douglas Adams Reference?"

KateStory tried to balk, but was cut off by a swift movement by Brentai wherein he span around, pulled out his Banal Douglas Adams Reference, and sliced KateStory neatly in two in one movement.


And that, as they say, is that.

Somewhere, sometime, a different girl named Kelly was having an adventure, but that is somebody else's problem.
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Detonator
Untitled Rank 18

Age:16   Gender: Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 181

Location: Up in dis hizzouse

Posted: Sat Sep 14, 2002 10:14 pm    Post subject:

Meanwhile...

A lone figure quietly looked upon the glowing computer screen.

Quote:
"KateStory tried to balk, but was cut off by a swift movement by Brentai wherein he span around, pulled out his Banal Douglas Adams Reference, and sliced KateStory neatly in two in one movement.


And that, as they say, is that."


Through the dim light that radiated from the monitor, the figure cracked a smile.
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...On second thought, scratch that.
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Thad
Untitled Level 14

Age:19   Gender: Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 142

Location: 1611 Uranus Avenue

Posted: Sat Sep 14, 2002 11:14 pm    Post subject:

EPILOGUE(?)

"I don't know," hazarded Thad, "I rather liked it."

At this juncture, the boards bugged and dropped several dozen carriage returns. This was not a great omen to start off with.

"I rather liked it, dammit!" Thad said, stubbornly and more forcibly, just to spite the boards. "Okay, so starting it and then bailing was, perhaps, not the best route to take, but I was HIGHLY entertained by the fact that you dropped it in the middle of a bunch of newbies without any kind of explanation. And a couple of them caught on quite quickly."

He leaned back in his chair and crossed his hands behind his head. "Okay, I'll warrant that that Hitler/ducky sex shit was more than just a teensy bit bizarre, and I don't think Stef really knew how to handle it, but I've got to admit that it was pretty damn funny and we got quite a few posts out of it. ...And the introduction of images in the story is going to make this a pain in the ass to archive, but I quite liked it.

"And, all in all," he noted, "there are, what, nearly forty posts here not including the ones where all the newbies tried to figure out what the fuck was going on. Uh, say...should I include those? Because I haven't so far. ...Anyway...there are about as many actual story posts here as there were in 11, and they're not all by the same three guys.

At this point, the boards (or perhaps Opera) bugged again, filling the text field with Enter characters. Thad tried to offset the effect, did a text selection, and managed to obliterate everything he had written.

Deftly, Thad hit Start-D a couple times, and then Ctrl-Z, miraculously retrieving everything he had written, and decided it was best not to tempt fate any further. He closed by saying, "Hey -- LOGIC wasn't in this one."

Push the button, Frank.

- - - > * < - - -





"A Turn for the worst" the Amazing Mr. H exclamed as he rolled over and hugged Stef.
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Thad
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Random-Guy
Super Fag Deluxe

Age:21   Gender: Male

Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 187


Posted: Sun Sep 15, 2002 2:43 pm    Post subject:

And then the universe imploded.
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