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Brentai
Moretto no Shikata
Age:19 Gender:
Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 220
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| Posted: Wed Aug 28, 2002
11:18 pm Post subject:
KateStory MCMLXXXIII |
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Over the near-infinite
plains of a desolate and forgotten world flew a pair of robots who
were art fag groupies from New York. One of the art fag groupie
robots suspiciously did not lack an accordian.
Swiftly they flew, powered by dramatic effect, whooshing at
unimaginable speeds towards a destination like any other, and yet
not. Countless particles of dust, lying undisturbed for ages
ineffable, were immediately and violently driven away in a massive,
cloudy exodus as the two robots directed their rockets downward,
gently maneuvering themselves onto the cracked ground, and the spot
in which they were destined to stand.
For a brief second they glanced, not expecting to see anything
inhabiting this huge expanse of nothing. As the dust clouds settled
around them one, the one suspiciously not not lacking an accordian, readied
itself, himself to speak.
And it spoke, "We are the John and John robots," letting the
declaration carry itself as far as it could go, echoing forever
within the near void. And then there was silence.
This silence, however, was not too long before it was disturbed by
a faint buzzing sound off in the far, far distance. No human could
have seen what could be making such a sound from where the John and
John robots were standing, but the robots could see it very
clearly. It was a Ferrari Lambourghini.
The driver of the Lambourghini was a robot. The passenger was also
a robot. The driver robot was as geeky as a robot could get, a
bespectacled, gaunt, imp-faced weakling of a bot with a bad
complexion, which was quite a thing for a robot to have. However,
it did command respect by wearing exceedingly fine duds, as well as
quite obviously being the owner of the vehicle. On the other hand,
the robot inhabiting the passenger seat, though perhaps slightly
healthier, was obviously completely destitute. Its freakishly long
robot hair was tangled and centuries-unwashed, and it feebly, as it
rode, grasped with trembling robot fingers a cardboard sign reading
"Will design for food."
Both robots wore ID tags, or rather, id tags.
The Ferrari squealed to spinning yet sharp halt in a specific spot
not too far from the location of the John and John robots.
Somberly, the riders of the vehicle stepped out and faced their new
companions.
"We," stated the affluent robot somberly, "Are also the John and
John robots."
A shadow grew, then shrunk, over the group, and the source of this
disturbance could be identified by the presence of a pair of giant
floating robot brains. One, the much larger of the brains, sported
a large blue fright wig, while the smaller one wore a beanie. Both
of them stared, from their position above, with hard plastic
eyes.
"We are the Johnson and Johnson robots," the larger brain shouted
belligerently.
And then the world exploded.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kelly London awoke with a gasp and a start. She looked from side to
side for the briefest of instants to affirm her new reality, and
then, to nobody in particular, stated, "I've just had the most
horrible dream... in space!"
Moments later she found herself transformed in her bed into a giant
insect. |
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PhoenixUltima
Silent Wind of Doom!
Age:18 Gender:
Joined: 13 Aug 2002
Posts: 27
Location: Teh seekrit lair.
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| Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002
12:12 am Post subject:
... |
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*dead silence*
_________________
"There's one thing a care bear always keeps... his
PRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!!!" |
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Random-Guy
Super Fag Deluxe
Age:21 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 187
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| Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002
12:14 am Post
subject: |
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| ...You're such a weird
bastard, Brentai. |
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Clutch
Emergency food ration
Age:19 Gender:
Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 459
Location: F City
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| Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002
6:46 am Post
subject: |
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| I am on a plane between
laughter and confusion. Either way, that was quite entertaining.
Thank you, Brentai. |
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Orthae
Untitled Level 14
Age:19 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 149
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002
8:21 am Post
subject: |
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It's Scary sometimes, how
people come up with stuff like this.
Brentai is now in tuned with Frued. You both make sense
_________________
I have bad GrAmMer bEcAuse I Hate you. We call it, Spite!
www.geocities.com/orthae182/
Malice for the ages |
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Detonator
Untitled Rank 18
Age:16 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 181
Location: Up in dis hizzouse
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| Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002
10:21 am Post
subject: |
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I don't know which was a
bigger waste of time, Brentai writing that, me reading that, or me
writing this post.
_________________
...On second thought, scratch that. |
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Ophelia
Resident psycho
Age:18 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 193
Location: Deep within the Earth, soon to awaken and reduce a
miniature of Japan to rubble. Grar!
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| Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002
10:32 am Post
subject: |
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I'm disappointed by the lack
of ninjas.
But kudos for giving the robots skin problems and gnarled hair!
_________________
Jesus is a hobo with a mayonnaise sandwich. That, or ...John
Lennon. |
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Gunslinger
Untitled Rank 21
Age:18 Gender:
Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 272
Location: The Wastelands
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| Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002
10:45 am Post
subject: |
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Quite honestly one of the
strangest things I've ever read. It was entertaining
nonetheless.
_________________
"The Daves didn't put up the fliers, so there's no guests. Gutter
never showed, so there's no beer. The equipment blew up so there's
no band. And I think Robby and Deej Might be dead." "What, no
beer?!?" |
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Thad
Untitled Level 14
Age:19 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 142
Location: 1611 Uranus Avenue
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| Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002
11:43 am Post subject: I
THINK it's 12... |
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Billy burst into Thad's dorm
room, where Thad sat in his underwear waiting for his roommate, the
Jean robot, to get out of the shower.
"Dude, my girlfriend's a bug!" Billy exclaimed.
Thad looked at Billy with a heavy-lidded gaze and said,
"...Wha...?"
Thad was not a morning person.
"I don't care if you're not a morning person, it's 11:35 on a
Thursday!" Billy exclaimed.
"Still technically the morning," Thad yawned.
"Dammit, you're not -- HOLEY MY ASS!"
Thad perked up a little at this last exclamation. Billy was pale,
stuttering something, and pointing at the photo on top of Thad's
bookshelf.
"THAT'S ONE OF THE ROBOTS FROM MY DREAM!" Billy finally managed to
shout.
Thad furrowed his brow. "You had a nightmare about my brother and
his dumbass hat?"
"NO! The one without the suspicious lack of accordion!"
"OH. Robot John Flansburgh. ...The Robot Johns are back, huh?"
"YEAH! And it has some kind of connection to turning Kelly into a
bug!"
"Kelly's a bug?"
"YES! I SO already told you that."
"You so DIDN'T," Thad argued. "This is TOTALLY the first I've heard
about it."
The phone rang.
Thad picked it up.
It was a nice man from Resnet telling Thad that his nonworking
fetchmail setup was sending them an incredible mass of bounces.
"Shit," Thad remarked sagely upon hanging the phone up. "So...about
my fetchmail..."
"WE WERE TALKING ABOUT KELLY!"
"Right, right, Kelly. ...What's this got to do with my
fetchmail?"
"NOTHING!" Billy shouted. "But...there's some kind of connection to
Robot John Flansburgh."
"This is a KateStory," Thad remarked sagely. "Twenty bucks says it
has no connection to ANYTHING."
_________________
I hate you all.
Thad
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Stef
Untitled
Gender:
Joined: 29 Aug 2002
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002
12:35 pm Post
subject: |
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Meanwhile in a quaint valley in Gwynedd, PA....
A blonde streaked girl looked up from her computer with a start.
She shook her head, removed her glasses and rubbed at her eyes.
"All of this school work is getting too difficult", She complained
as she tossed her copy of American Civilizations to the floor. This
girl was Stef, a former computer & video game junkie turned
prep-bitch extrodinare. It wasn't that she disliked them anymore,
it was just that when she was enrolled in four years of all-girl
prep school and then entered college, her focus turned to other
things. Now, Stef blinked at the computer screen in disbelief. The
words KateStory flashed on the screen.
"Those are words I haven't heard in a long time", She mused
silently, and clicking the box closed, she turned back to pick up
the book on the floor, when she realized she could not stop the
nagging thoughts of old friends from days long gone... |
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Thad
Untitled Level 14
Age:19 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 142
Location: 1611 Uranus Avenue
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| Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002
1:09 pm Post subject:
Avatars Long Past, *OR* Return of the 16-Bit Badasses |
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Somewhere on the misty edge
of a cliff, two shortish figures stood.
One was the star of three games on the Super Nintendo Entertainment
System, and had thereafter been relegated to more of a token
sidekick position in the sequels on the Sony PlayStation.
The other bore an unmistakable resemblance to the hero of all
Genesis heroes, but he was shorter and purple.
In a thoroughly confusing twist, both of them had names ending in
"X".
"So, Kelly's a bug," X said.
"Eeeyup," Hedgehog X responded.
"And we're going to try to help her," X responded.
"At some point," Hedgehog X affirmed.
"But along the way," X continued, "one of the authors is going to
see something shiny and that particular little plot point is going
to totally fall by the wayside, and only be resolved much later, if
ever."
Hedgehog X nodded. "Somebody's been paying attention through the
past...uhhh..."
"Eleven," X said. "I think."
"Eleven of these things," Hedgehog X acknowledged. "Sounds about
right."
Their pointless conversation was interrupted by a form moving
toward them in the mist. It started as the silhouette of a human
girl at the tail-end of her teens, and then resolved itself into
the form of a human girl at the tail-end of her teens.
X cracked a grin. "Looks like somebody got my summons."
"KATE!" Hedgehog X beamed. "THE Kate! Jeez, I missed you, Sis."
They embraced.
"So," said Kate, after a time, "Kelly's a bug, huh?"
X mugged for the narrative equivalent of a camera and said, "That's
right, guys -- we just put the Kate back into KateStory."
Of course none of the #finalfight schmucks had any idea what was
going on.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"HWUUUUUUURGH!" Brent shouted, and clutched his head.
Steve looked at him funny. "You don't usually do that after only
one beer," he remarked. "...Good beer?"
"No," Brent said. "I sensed a great disturbance in the Force...as
if a skeleton jumped out of my closet in a Thundercats T-Shirt and
then was totally NOT silent."
Steve nodded sagely.
"Lemme try one of those."
_________________
I hate you all.
Thad
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Stef
Untitled
Gender:
Joined: 29 Aug 2002
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002
3:50 pm Post
subject: |
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Stef, as who had been
aforementioned, looked once again to the computer screen unable to
shake herself of the nagging feelings which had been eating away at
her stomache (and not the poisoned cafeteria food as one would
normally believe). She sighed and climbed up the ladder to her top
bunk and thought that maybe a nice looong nap would cure her of the
dementia which seemed to overcome her suddenly. It felt as if she
was being pulled to two worlds at once. Very cliche and cartoon
like....like that guy in the Captain N cartoons...
*************************************************************
"So what are we waiting for?????", Kate asked. She was eager to
begin an adventure after being lost on hiatus for quite awhile
"Well maybe we could begin by asking where you've been?" X
remarked.
"That is a rather long and complicated story, it's sort of like I'm
well an avatar of my earthen counterpart.......that would be Stef,
and for awhile she went on hiatus herself, you know the whole
high-school and now the college experience. Searching for herself
and all that. When that began, she more or less locked me away in
her thoughts and I came out when she was really bored and started
to doodle out pictures or story ideas", Kate replied
"This is to confusing for me", Hedgehog X stated bluntly.
"Well it's probaly going to get more confusing, as we know how all
of these stories go", X said looking around on the cliff. It was
very reminisicnt of a scene from one to many over-played fantasy
novels and games.
Kate shrugged, "Probaly will"
"What I don't get is ....ok...you were ideally supposed to be a
perpetually 15 year old girl except now you look about twenty", HX
looked at his sister.
"Damned if I know", Kate said, "My brother is a hedgehog...explain
that"
"Look" |
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Stiv
I think it was Satan
Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 344
Location: Secret Underground Snowbase Box
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| Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002
4:32 pm Post
subject: |
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Steve was incredibly
disturbed by this turn of events. "So there's something to do with
the giant robots that have suspicious lack of accordian again."
"Yep," said Brentai.
".. Well holy fuck, let's go kick their asses or something. Or we
could just go on a quest for bacon."
Brentai's eyes enlarged to giant puppy-dog proportions. The two of
them had been living in Secret Underground Snowbase Box for over a
year now, and it was impossible to go outside due to the constant
blizzards, bad-smelling hippies, and Steve's propensity to swear
loudly at people with lots of tatoos and peircings, which
inevitably led to the Mighty Trinty getting the fuck beat out of
them. "But we'd have to go outside!"
"... I know. But bacon, Brentai."
"... I'll think about it. But somebody else is going to have to
write the next fucking part. And I sure hope it won't be somebody
who's done a KateStory before."
And somewhere, two sexy old men in cardboard robot costumes.. were
fucking. |
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Büge
Untitled Level 11
Age:22 Gender:
Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 116
Location: The Outer Limits
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| Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002
6:15 pm Post
subject: |
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It was night.
There was a man awake, that night. A man who was a Prisoner. He
looked in one direction, seeing the consuming darkness of the night
encroaching in his window. A lamp glowed cheerily between the man
who was a Prisoner and the darkness. He looked the other way. A
door stood half-open, light spilling into the room, the only sounds
were clicking, as if a large cricket had made its nest in the
hallway.
The man who was a Prisoner rubbed the stubble growing on his chin,
and looked over to the braid of garlic hanging above the lamp. He
sighed. Would the garlic keep the
vampires from entering my room, he thought. Probably not, he mused, shaking his
head.
He swiveled his chair, and it squealed loudly. Boxes littered the
floor, and the man who was a Prisoner decided he'd feel better if
he didn't see them. He turned back around, his chair protesting
loudly again. His attention was caught by a word on the glowing
screen, a word that didn't make sense.
"KateStory," he whispered. He took a sip of tepid water from a
plastic cup. The Santa Claus on the side of the cup grinned, as if
knowing something the man who was a Prisoner did not.
"What," he asked dramatically to no one, "is a KateStory?"
His only answer was a squeak from his chair. |
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Stiv
I think it was Satan
Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 344
Location: Secret Underground Snowbase Box
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| Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002
7:30 pm Post
subject: |
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Quite suddenly, and out of
nowhere, Vincent Price appeared. He was pretty dead, but this
somehow didn't stop him from having hot groupies who started go-go
dancing upon the command of his abominable sidekick, who was, of
course, named Igor.
"KateStory is a horrible amalgamation of nasty, boring, horrible
writing strung together with nary a plot, mostly because about
fifty billion people write it, although more in practice it's
actually like two. The only real main characters are two kids named
Kelly and Billy, who may or may not be having hot wild sex on the
side. Everything else is just like something out of a horrible
fanfic, complete with self-insertion, bad puns, worse writing, poor
spelling and grammar from all non-Thad participants, and, of
course, more pop culture references than any normal human being
could care about."
Then he went and made out with several of his hot groupies.
Unfortunately his tongue had rotted away several years ago, but
none of them seemed to mind. |
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Thad
Untitled Level 14
Age:19 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 142
Location: 1611 Uranus Avenue
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| Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002
8:52 pm Post subject:
Actually, I'm Just Going to Go Play Zombies. |
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Thad, unlike Büge, was
not the first newbie to figure out what was going on and dive right
in, and unlike Steve, was not the originator of the BEST POST EVER.
No, all he had done was spend his Thursday compiling an archive of
the last two KateStories, plus what he still had of Book 9. He'd
even dropped the ball on the fact that Kate wasn't supposed to
age.
"My bad," he acknowledged, after clearing his throat. "But hell,
it's better this way, huh? A perpetual 15-year-old may've made
sense when we were 12, but it makes a lot less sense now."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"So," said X, "about Kelly."
"Are you still on about Kelly?" Hedgehog X asked.
X shrugged. "Seems like the thing to be on. Anyway, what's the
deal? Do we need to find the Giant-Insect-to-Human-Converter of the
Gods? Or do we need to teach her how to do a gay-ass meditation
thing and then say 'I am TRANSFORMED!'? Maybe work Anticlimax and
Mykingdomforanose into the story for nostalgia-value?"
Hedgehog X was silent; he just smiled slightly, in a thoroughly
infuriating manner.
"Fine," muttered X, "keep your secrets. But I swear to God, if you
start dressing up like Darth Vader again, you can SO consider your
nards ALREADY KICKED."
"Heh heh," said Hedgehog X. "Nards."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Wily was in the process of formulating a Twisted and Evil Plan,
but at that very moment, Ian barged into Thad's room.
"THE PRESIDENT HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED BY NINJAS!" he exclaimed.
So Thad embarked upon a quest to rescue the President with his
college buddies.
_________________
I hate you all.
Thad
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Orthae
Untitled Level 14
Age:19 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 149
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2002
10:29 pm Post
subject: |
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On a darker plane of
existence, a Tall and broad charactor, sits in silent
contemplation. The rooms shear black array is broken only by the
slight blue glow before the dark charactor.
"A, Katestory...hmm" The Dark figure whispers silently to
himself
"Where did it come from, who brough this to life, and why was it
ressurected" The figure spoke quitely
Turning Sharply he points to an exit "Go and find out about this
Katestory." The Dark Figure extends his Left arm and points to an
Exit.
The shadows Twist as two small Domo-Kins flee this plane.
===============================================
The light burned hot and bright upon the exit of Stivs and
Brentai's -Ghetto-Pad-of-Mackin-and-sweet-sweet-lovin.
Little noise was heard untill the Scream of a Silioet was heard
down the street.
_________________
I have bad GrAmMer bEcAuse I Hate you. We call it, Spite!
www.geocities.com/orthae182/
Malice for the ages |
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Matchbox
Killer
Untitled Rank 20
Age:17 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 230
Location: Buttnarnia
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| Posted: Fri Aug 30, 2002
9:24 pm Post
subject: |
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Thad, having deep love and
respect for the president, set out to rescue him from his ninja
kidnappers. There was a majestic sunset as Thad set out on his
quest, as if nature was lighting a path to encourage Thad on. Since
Thad was a bright young fellow that came from a poor village, he
knew that he had no real chance of defeating ninjas by his
lone-some. He felt discouraged, he sat on the curb to contemplate
his plan for the presidental rescue. "What can defeat a group of
ninjas, especially ninjas that have enough balls to kidnap the
president?" Thad asked himself. "What is cool enough to defeat a
ninja?". Just then Thad sat up as if he had come across the secret
to defeating Microsoft. Thad had a new zeal, as he realized that
ninjas with guitars could defeat ninjas. He then began to fight
squirrels and chipmunks to level up, seeing as he could not make
the journey to the guitar wielding ninjas. After gaining a few
levels Thad had to access as to the where abouts of the guitar
wielding ninjas, which were foretold in the legendry book of
"Ninja, we are cooler than you!".
_________________
All I really want from life is a new lobster
harmonica... |
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Orthae
Untitled Level 14
Age:19 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 149
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Fri Aug 30, 2002
11:17 pm Post
subject: |
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| Matchbox Killer wrote: |
| Thad had a new zeal, as he realized that ninjas
with guitars could defeat ninjas. !". |
Thad Setting out in his new outfit, began an gruesome and trully
terrorifying Quest.
To save President Ralph Wiggum....
_________________
I have bad GrAmMer bEcAuse I Hate you. We call it, Spite!
www.geocities.com/orthae182/
Malice for the ages |
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Stiv
I think it was Satan
Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 344
Location: Secret Underground Snowbase Box
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Posted: Sat Aug 31, 2002 12:40 am Post subject:
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At this point, Steve decided
to completely hijack the story and do something incredibly unusual
with it - actually tie it back into the beginning, but perhaps with
lots of healthy references to Nazis and the Amazing Mr. H.
So. It was Tuesday. Tuesday was the day that Kelly turned into a
giant fucking cockroach. She was pretty upset because she couldn't
go to work at the spam factory today and was probably going to get
canned, but this was a small concern compared to the fact that her
older brother had started pelting her with incredibly hard
fruit.
"You fucking cockroach!" he screamed, partly because Kelly was,
indeed, a cockroach. Finally she decided 'Screw this, I'm going to
Tromavilla!' So she did, and became the world's most famous
softcore porn bug actress. That's enough about Kelly.
Elsewhere in the storyThad and his magical ninjas had, in fact,
managed to rescue the President. They'd had some help from the Holy
Trinty, but now the President (or 'Ronny' as he was sometimes
called) was pretty pissed off that he even had to be saved by
Ninjas. "I used to snap JAPS IN HALF WITH MY BIG TOE!!!" he yelled
in his age-addled insanity, partly because he was no longer the
President. "I sentence you all to.. THE MACHINE!!!!!!"
Judging from the large amount of exclimation points, it was going
to be a pretty horrible experience. In fact, it was. It turns out
that THE MACHINE!!!!!! was co-oped, like the other good bits of
Katestory, from something else. In this case, a short story by a
charming little German Jew who happened to die of consumption or
something before his family got blown up by Zyklon-B. If you can't
guess what the fuck it was, you're obviously a dumbass.
Thad's crime - GRAMAR NAZI!
Brent's crime - PORN NAZI!
Stiv's crime - PUNK ROCK NAZI!
The Crimes of the Ninjas - NINJA NAZIS!
Ronny's Crime - ACTING NAZI!
The Amazing Mr. H, his body long since decayed, laughed manically
and screamed something incomprehensible in German, wiggled his
eyebrows sexily, and gave that special smile that only the Amazing
Mr. H could give. The crowd burst into applause, given that the
fucking self-insertion bullshit was over and hopefully wouldn't
start up again.
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Thad
Untitled Level 14
Age:19 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 142
Location: 1611 Uranus Avenue
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| Posted: Mon Sep 02, 2002
6:18 pm Post subject:
Continuity Rears Its Ugly Head |
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"Dammit, Steve," Thad
shouted at the bathroom door, "self-insertion is not intrinsically
bad! Didn't you read Breakfast of Ch --
"Saaaay," Thad said, furrowing his brow, "you're not in there
shoving a shampoo bottle up your ass, are you?"
The grunting that followed affirmed Thad's worst fears.
"Okay, THAT kind of self-insertion is intrinsically bad," he
noted.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I get the distinct impression," X growled, "that you are biding
your time for some reason."
Hedgehog X smiled one of his trademark infuriating smiles.
"You practice those in the mirror when nobody's around, don't you?"
X accused.
"Okay, so he's biding his time," Kate agreed. "But we ought to do
SOMETHING until he plays his hand. What do you think,
metal-man?"
"We do what we do best," X said, and then, posing dramatically for
the narrative camera, "We fight
for everlasting peace!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The string of bells on the door tinkled.
"Welcome to Maleophonix's Dry Cleaning and Nuclear Waste Removal!"
a horribly off-key voice half-sang. "Saaaaay...don't I know
you?"
The figure simply shrugged in a thoroughly dull fashion.
"Yeah! You're that Rent-a-Hero, Anticlimax! Let me guess...dry
cleaning."
"Yes," Anticlimax said anticlimactically, and handed Maleophonix
the large garment bag labeled "Dry Cleaning" he had carried in.
As Continuity reared its ugly head, fewer and fewer newbies seemed
willing to brave the unfamiliarity and just jump the fuck in like
good little newbies.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Brent and his avatar, Hedgehog X, continued to bide their time.
Fuck them, Thad decided,
I am going to make myself a
quesadilla.
_________________
I hate you all.
Thad
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Geek
Mafia
Untitled
Age:18 Gender:
Joined: 01 Sep 2002
Posts: 2
Location: Western Hemisphere
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| Posted: Mon Sep 02, 2002
7:23 pm Post subject:
Being a good little newbie... |
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The wall behind the Amazing
Mr.H exploded, sending chunks of brick and mortar flying though the
air. Before the dust had a chance to settle, the Rent-a-Grunt
Commandos stormed in like good little GI Joe parodies and began to
give Amazing Mr.H's Lab the once over with there fists, feet,
teeth, and other appendages.
"LUNCH BREAK" shouted the Sergeant Rent-a-Grunt. With that they
began to march out, stomping on the mauled remains of the Amazing
Mr.H.
As life ebbed out of the Amazing Mr. H's body, he could only speak
one raspy, hushed word...
"Rosebud..."
(Editors Note: Bring on the grammar Gestapo... I do believe I'm
dead) |
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Brentai
Moretto no Shikata
Age:19 Gender:
Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 220
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| Posted: Mon Sep 02, 2002
7:48 pm Post
subject: |
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PHPBB had, effectively,
nixed Brentai's post.
His extremely, excrutiatingly long post.
His Fucking Bible Sized post.
Brentai, at this point, didn't care, and let KateStory bleed to
death and die underneath the relentless scorching Puchiko
Head. |
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Detonator
Untitled Rank 18
Age:16 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 181
Location: Up in dis hizzouse
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| Posted: Mon Sep 02, 2002
9:32 pm Post
subject: |
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The internet is nothing but
electrical impulses and theoretical zeroes and ones that exist as
microscopic switches that become ever smaller as the future
progresses. The entire internet takes about one square inch of real
space on the real Earth. KateStory exists on this internet. Given
this information, what happened was still relatively far away from
KateStory.
"Kate Story... a work of limitless possibilities. There are no
rules, so there are no rules to break. Anything is possible, even
narciccistic self-insertion."
A figure sipped a Coca-Cola Classic in a chair in a room.
"Could this be... an unbreakable story? Every story is brought down
by fagg0ts, lam0rs, hax0rs, lazy webmasters, and the like. It's
mindnumbingly simple to destroy the best of stories, which is why
mindnumbingly simple people do."
------------------------------------
Meanwhile, another storyline is added that will never be tied into
an important part of the plot.
------------------------------------
EXCERPT FROM LIQUIDSHARKEY.COM BBS:
"RE: KateStory
--
I don't know, a story that can't be fucked up? Sounds
impossible.
--
It is. Simple as that. What, it went public a week ago? Don't worry
about it.
--
Look people, this is NOT an ordinary story. It has years of
fuckupedness behind it, and it has taken a life of its own.
--
Are you hopped up on goofballs again, Det? You're overreacting to a
stupid god damn story. Just ignore it and it will go away.
--
There's something wrong about it, seriously. It can't be ignored.
We knew nothing about it for YEARS, and it only gets larger. It
will envelop us all in its... maw. It must... BE DESTROYED.
--
Have I told you that you're fucking retarded? Consider this topic
closed.
--
--
This post has been locked by Brentai. No more replies may be made to this
post."
--------------------------
"He knows. He's part of it. It's... happening..."
The figure took a deep breath.
"I have to destroy it."
_________________
...On second thought, scratch that. |
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Thad
Untitled Level 14
Age:19 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 142
Location: 1611 Uranus Avenue
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| Posted: Tue Sep 03, 2002
9:42 pm Post subject:
The Holy Trinity! WITH EXCLUSIVE BATMAN VS SUPERMAN
PREVIEW! |
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Thad was annoyed. He was
very annoyed.
"I swear to God I received a Presidential pardon for accidentally
sending those hundreds and hundreds of bounces to everyone who sent
me any E-Mail in the past month," he muttered.
"Reagan can't grant fucking Presidential pardons anymore," Steve
observed.
"...It was supposed to be King George II," Thad responded. "You
changed it."
"Such is the mystery of the KateStory!" Brent observed, sneaking up
behind the two of them and putting his arms around their respective
necks.
"Oh, by the way," Thad said, "at the risk of sounding horribly
condescending...uhhhh, you might consider writing the
Biblically-long chapters in a text editor or something so that you
don't have to submit to the whims of the boards...that's what I
generally do. Plus I'm archiving all these fuckers, since that's
what I do.
"Note also," Thad added, "that I accidentally posted this as its
own topic instead of a fucking reply. I'm becoming convinced that
when I do this, it's some kind of bizarre quirk with the boards,
not my doing, because it happens so damned often. ...So thanks to
having it in a text editor, I had no trouble re-copying it to the
proper spot."
"Anyway," Brad observed, "I think that we all know that
Resnet stands for Really
Eally Stupid Nitwited Eally Tongues. Which means really nothing,
but that's what it stands for."
They were sitting in the Fortress of Crap(t)itude, playing darts
and generally Kicking It.
"You know," Thad observed, "we really ought to settle on the actual
name of this place. Crapitude, or Craptitude? Because you guys
basically alternated on the spelling every chapter in XI."
That's when the Holy Trinity Light-Puke-Off-Beige-Alert went
off.
"WE GOT MOVIE SIGN!" everybody shouted. They shouted this every
time the alarm went off, but they still thought it was funny.
They slid down the Trinity Poles, came out in their Super Trinity
Forms --
 Superasshole!
 Brenteye!
 Yellowjackass!
 Captain Madagascar!
-- and jumped into the Ecto-1.
"Man, you LIKE sliding down my Trinity Pole," Captain Madagascar
remarked to everybody in particular.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I am Arthur, King of the Britons!" shouted the commanding voice of
Douglas Adams's former roommate. "I seek the Holy Grail!"
Work in your own Dark Is
Rising reference here, in keeping with the motif of early
KateStories.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EXCLUSIVE PREVIEW
BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN
The Bat Signal appears over Gotham. Batman heads out into the
night.
"Scan for Superman," Batman says tersely to the Batmobile
computer.
Suddenly, and purely for dramatic effect, Superman fries most of
the Batmobile with his heat vision. He then proceeds to swoop down
and crush it like a tin can. A small amount of blood and gray
matter oozes out one of the cracks.
COMING 2004
"That was not a clip," Jay Sherman stated, "that was the whole
movie."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Next time, on KateStory...
I am annoyed. I am very
annoyed.
I am annoyed. I am very
annoyed.
 I am annoyed. I am very
annoyed.
 Surf's. Up. Dudes.
 Whoooooooooooa.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Note to Det: Duuuuude. Was that real, or did you just make it up?
Either way, it ROCKED MY FACE.)
_________________
I hate you all.
Thad
http://dana.ucc.nau.edu/~tb9/
Last edited by Thad on Wed Sep 04, 2002 11:46 pm, edited 1 time in
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Brentai
Moretto no Shikata
Age:19 Gender:
Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 220
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| Posted: Wed Sep 04, 2002
1:29 pm Post subject:
Re: The Holy Trinity! WITH EXCLUSIVE BATMAN VS SUPERMAN
PREV |
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"Hey, hey, hey!" Brent complained, albeit lately
since it was now several scenes later. "I don't MEAN to write
Biblically long posts, it just... happens. And then other things
happen. Ya know?"
He started to write some more, but then his short break ended and
he had to get back to class. "Curses! Foiled again!" he cried, and
with a snap of his fingers, transformed Hedgehog X irreversibly
into a singing candy machine, never to arise from the mists of
obscurity again.
Elsewhere...
I am annoyed. I am very
annoyed.
I am annoyed. I am very
annoyed.
I am annoyed. I am very
annoyed.
Surf's. Up. Dudes.
Whoooooooooooa.
WHO RULES THE
BEACHES?!?!?! |
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Stiv
I think it was Satan
Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 344
Location: Secret Underground Snowbase Box
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| Posted: Wed Sep 04, 2002
4:46 pm Post
subject: |
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"Surfers rule!" said the
precocious little girl with the really fake-looking swastika tatoo
on her cheek. "And WHO RULES THE SURFERS!?" the suspiciously
slavic-looking Surf Nazi leader asked in response.
"THE AMAZING MR. H!!" came the reply, and this time superslav
Hitler Immitation was terrified. Oh no, he thought, It's Hitler's Death Car!
Elsewhere, an Italian porn star and a girl named Tony were 'getting
busy' but that has nothing whatesoever to do with the story.
Then Stiv said 'fuck this' and just asked somebody to put the
goddamned thing out of its misery. Jesus. |
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Detonator
Untitled Rank 18
Age:16 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 181
Location: Up in dis hizzouse
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| Posted: Wed Sep 04, 2002
9:07 pm Post
subject: |
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X stared, very impressed at
his former friend, now an immobile gumball machine who has a
tendency to break out in showtunes. He then stared at the Candy
Machine's equally impressed sister, who was still staring at the
machine, but quickly followed suit and stared at X.
"Well..."
"Well..."
Kate blinked. Out of existance that is. Her real world counterpart
must have thought singing gumball dispensers weren't nearly as
exciting as "Mr. T vs. the Spice Girls ate my balls dance", which
was bookmarked three times in Stef's folder, under "Mr. T",
"Dancing", and "Miscellaneous".
X looked at the Gumball Machine, who had finished a rousing
rendition of "Magical Mister Mestopholes" and was now silent.
And then something expected happened. A gumball dropped out. Then
another. And another. But there was a longer pause after this
one.
"Of COURSE! Old Morse code!" X picked up on the machine's
communication suprisingly quickly. He studied the dispenser
intently, loudly saying each letter.
"T-O-C-H-A-N-G-E-M-E-B-A-C-K-F-I-N-D-H-O-L-Y-B-R-"
And that was the last gumball. X fumbled to his knees quickly to
collect the gumballs to give the Machine a chance to complete its
vitally important message. But the gumballs had rolled over the
cliff, fallen into an eternal void never to be seen again.
"This is not over," X exclaimed, "I will not rest until I have
found suitable candy for you to dispense rhythmically!"
And like that, the machine exploded in one of Brent's
Tourette's-induced fits.
But it didn't matter, since X wasn't going to do it anyway.
_________________
...On second thought, scratch that. |
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Thad
Untitled Level 14
Age:19 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 142
Location: 1611 Uranus Avenue
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| Posted: Wed Sep 04, 2002
10:50 pm Post subject:
Mmmmm...magic brie. |
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"MALEOPHONIX!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" X screamed in utter
heartbreak.
After a moment of silence, X pondered Maleophonix's final message.
"Six times nine...uhhh, I mean, Magic br...what? Bra? Brie?
Brains?"
"Dibs on Magic Bra," Thad said.
"Dude," X said, "KateStory magic. Do you REALLY wanna be sliding
into second and suddenly teleport to ANOTHER DIMENSION?"
"Well, it WOULD fit my voyeu --"
Then Thad exploded. Because the reference was entirely too goddamn
obvious.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Of course, Thad was simultaneously in his Superasshole form, off on
a GNARLY ADVENTURE with the ultimate superhero team, The Holy
Trinity.
Such was the mystery of KateStory.
Superasshole posed dramatically, hovering in the air and pointing
at Mr. H in a condemning fashion. Space cum radiated off him like
fire.
"Mr. H," Thad growled, "your reign of terror and sheepfucking is
over like that little Jake Lloyd fucker's career. I hereby sentence
you to cosmic slavery on EXILE ISLE...you and Captain Cracker ought
to get along nicely."
He held aloft his magic sword and shouted his mighty battlecry: "I
HATE YOU ALL!"
Mr. H disappeared into obscurity to power The Justice Machine, and
the Holy Trinity started home.
Somewhere, Mr. Shithead the Shithead was being a shithead of some
variety.
_________________
I hate you all.
Thad
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Stef
Untitled
Gender:
Joined: 29 Aug 2002
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2002
12:17 pm Post
subject: |
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Stef woke up with a start where she had previously fallen
asleep.
"That was some f'ed up dream I had", She said outloud to nobody in
particular given that her roommates both had boyfriends are were
off getting ass while she was doomed to a life of slavery over the
books because she could never make up her mind on who she actually
wanted. "I haven't thought about that weird Sonic shit in awhile
except in the occasional im converation with Thad where we bitch
about our lack of sex and general stupidiity of things"
She grudingly picked up her mathwork and threw it down with a
vengence...screw this shit...I'm done with the schooling for
tonight.
It was Thursday night.
It was time to get her drink on.
Stef walked out of the res. hall and into Mr Shithead the Shithead,
who also happened to be one of Stef's many exes... |
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Orthae
Untitled Level 14
Age:19 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 149
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2002
8:28 pm Post
subject: |
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"A Turn for the worst" the
Amazing Mr. H exclamed as he rolled over and hugged Stef. Bright
eyed Stef looks at the Amazing Mr. H and starts to question
herself.
"How drunk was I?"
"Why is hitlers head in a jar?"
"What did I do with hitlers head?"
"....Am I still drunk?"
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
In a cold sweat Thad wakes up to notice that above him a eerie glow
emites from a swirling coin. Thad speaks in that
I-just-woke-up-from-the-grave-kinda voice "Wow, never noticed that
before".
Yawning Thad steps out of bed. noticing another oddity around his
room.
"What the Fuck are you two doing here?" Thad spoke in disgust as he
turned his eyes away from a E-Longated Yet smiling X and a
disgrutled looking Ophilia...
_________________
I have bad GrAmMer bEcAuse I Hate you. We call it, Spite!
www.geocities.com/orthae182/
Malice for the ages |
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Detonator
Untitled Rank 18
Age:16 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 181
Location: Up in dis hizzouse
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| Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2002
9:09 pm Post
subject: |
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Are you telling me I made out with Hitler's disembodied head?
Ummm... yeeeeaaah.... "made out"...
I'm getting out of here.
Getting out of here? Take a look around.
Shit! We're in jail! What did we do?
It's probably better you don't know.
suddenly...
Our cell blew up! We're free!
Let's get a move on!
I'll drive!
_________________
...On second thought, scratch that. |
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Stiv
I think it was Satan
Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 344
Location: Secret Underground Snowbase Box
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| Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2002
9:33 pm Post
subject: |
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"FUCK!" Stiv said. He had
just written a brilliant post to continue the dramatic story of the
Amazing Mr. H. and Stef, but unfortunately it had been deleted.
So this.. is the story.
As Stef and Hitler piled into the car and the two of them valiantly
restrained from any 'giving head' jokes regarding the night before,
Stef slid into the passenger seat, the Amazing Mr. H. and his glass
jar occupying the driver's side. It took Stef a moment to figure
out that she was going to have to help Hitler drive the Death Car,
so she slid over to hold him in her lap so that his teeth could
grip the wheel while she worked the pedals.
"MMrhrghlgh!" Hitler said, as they zoomed down the streets of
Berlin, crushing the Allied forces under the spiked, giant tires of
Hitler's Death Car.
"What?" Asked Stef, removing Hitler's head from the wheel so he
could say something intelligible.
"It's really fucking hard to drive!" he whined. Stef gave him a
consoling pat on.. THE HEAD! Unfortunately, being touched in this
manner caused Hitler's disembodied head to get quite randy, and the
next thing they knew they were having impromptu wild Nazi sex
again. Unfortunately, this caused them to miss something that would
cause them to go.. TO HELL! Hitler's Death Car was about to run
over..
DUCKIES. As the Death Car piled over them, and their little ducky
screams filled the air, God decided that it was time to bring an
abrupt end to the reign of Hitler.. FOR GOOD.
And this is how he did it:
Next thing the Amazing Mr. H's head knew, it was on the end of a
stick being smacked into some guy's skull.
... This, truely, was Hell.
But what of Stef? What of the duckies? What's happened to the rest
of the happy gang? Why the Amazing Mr. H? Why were Stef and Hitler
improsoned? For that matter, why were they fucking?
Find out.. NEXT TIME! |
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Matchbox
Killer
Untitled Rank 20
Age:17 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 230
Location: Buttnarnia
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| Posted: Thu Sep 05, 2002
11:38 pm Post
subject: |
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After the duckies were
killed, they went to heaven where X resided. X and the duckies
became good friends, seeing as how they both had mutual
aquatences.
"I'm so bored in heaven duckies. There's no mavericks for me to
kill and therefore I can not steal any "powers" from anybody. I
tried to shot god, but I couldn't, because he doesn't follow any
attack pattern that I can figure out"
"Quack, quack." Said the duckies, who never knew what X was talking
about, but they thought they should humor him with a response.
"..." X had nothing else to say to the duckies.
Since the duckies had been so kind to X, god thought they should
get a new chance at life. God gave the ducks their life back, but
as a bonus, he gave them super powers so that they would never be
run over by cars again.
With their new found powers, the duckies set out to find the
Amazing Mr. H, so that they could avenge their death. Ducky Squid GO!
_________________
All I really want from life is a new lobster
harmonica... |
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Detonator
Untitled Rank 18
Age:16 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 181
Location: Up in dis hizzouse
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| Posted: Fri Sep 06, 2002
12:02 pm Post
subject: |
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X was happy. He was
immortal. It was all planned out with Hedgehog X beforehand. If one
of them was ever to die, they were to impersonate the other, so
they were checked off, and thus, would never be killed. This only
worked because they had the same name ("Hedgehog" was only added
unofficially to avoid mix ups, although some people still got
confused).
Anyway, something happened between X, Thad, and Ophilia, and they
set off on a magical journey to the cave of monsters.
----------------------------------
Wow! What a wipe out! Are you okay Hitler?
Ohh, that's-a spicy meatball!
Just then
QUACK QUACK
Duckies! You're all okay! Thank god!
Not another sound was uttered. As silently as the night, the
duckies moved in.
_________________
...On second thought, scratch that. |
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Gunslinger
Untitled Rank 21
Age:18 Gender:
Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 272
Location: The Wastelands
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| Posted: Fri Sep 06, 2002
12:43 pm Post
subject: |
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In a flurry of feathers the
duckies closed in on The Amazing Mr. H. Screaming in horror, but
unable to run, Mr. H did the only thing he could. He closed his
eyes and prayed Ishkur.
Ishkur ignored the prayer.
The duckies ripped every piece of hair from the head of Mr. H,
individually mind you. This caused Mr. H to go insane. He began to
babble about secret bases and reincarnation devices. The duckies
devoured him. They now inhabit a small town home in NYC.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hedgehog X heard the mutterings of Mr. H and decided to
investigate. He was lonely without his drinking buddy X. Granted
that meant he had more beer for himself, it just wasn't the
same.
Hedgehog X set off on his quest to bring X back to life.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stef, having just witnessed a gang of super powered duckies devour
her beloved's head, got up and walked away.
"What was I doing screwing a head? Maybe I should quit drinkin'...
... ...Nah!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The bits and pieces of the head of the Amazing Mr. H's head now
resided in the bowels of several super powered duckies. Yet somehow
all the parts were still alive. They still had a mission to
accomplish. Somehow they would escape the duckie guts and move
on...
_________________
"The Daves didn't put up the fliers, so there's no guests. Gutter
never showed, so there's no beer. The equipment blew up so there's
no band. And I think Robby and Deej Might be dead." "What, no
beer?!?"
Last edited by Gunslinger on Fri Sep 06, 2002 11:09 pm, edited 1
time in total |
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Stiv
I think it was Satan
Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 344
Location: Secret Underground Snowbase Box
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| Posted: Fri Sep 06, 2002
4:22 pm Post
subject: |
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"Quack," said Ultraducky X,
the leader of the Divine Ducky Squad. Their super God-given ducky
powers had made them into the crimefighting superheros that NYC had
always needed; still, their worst foe.. was THEMSELVES.
"Quackquack quack," said Ultraducky X's companion, Superducky Z.
The two of them were having an argument about what to do with the
remains of the Amazing Mr. H, whom they had crapped out over the
period of several months.
"DANGER, QUACK ALERT!" boomed a voice, and the duckies had to stop
arguing - the Amazing Mr. H was wreaking havoc on the city again.
And this time.. it was personal.
----
"No, Mr. H!" Stef screamed, cowering in a corner. The reconstituted
head of Mr. H shambled towards her - made of shit, smashed into the
head of a fag, and now.. moving in for some sweet, sweet
lovin'.
And then...
"QUUUAAAAACCCCKKKK!!"
"Oh no!" the Amazing Mr. H yelled, "It's.. THE DUCKIES!"
"Quack!" called Ultraducky X.
"Quackquack!" yelled Superducky Z.
"Your number's up! Monster!" yelled DuckyQuoter, the only ducky who
could speak English - but sadly only horribly mistranslated video
game quotes.
"Curses! The duckies have foiled my evil plans!" cursed Amazing Mr.
H. He started shambling, slowly, out of the abandoned warehouse
where he had cornered Stef. "I'll get you yet, duckies!"
"Oh, duckies!" said Stef, "I love you all!"
And then.. they had ducky sex. |
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Gunslinger
Untitled Rank 21
Age:18 Gender:
Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 272
Location: The Wastelands
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| Posted: Fri Sep 06, 2002
11:11 pm Post
subject: |
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Pumped full of
duckie...er...love, Stef felt fulfilled(In more than one way). Her
coupling with the heavenly duckie squad, all of them, Stef had conceived a new
messiah. Part holy-duckie, part human. The messiah grew within Stef
in a matter of minutes, so as to make the plot move quicker(to its
demise no doubt). The baby/duckling was born, a new scapegoat for
all the world's sins.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. H, seeing the turn of events, walked past the exhausted,
libido-fulfilled duckies. Here was a chance for all of his sins to
be forgiven...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile:
Hedgehog X was exploring Mr. H's reincarnation lab. What he found
there was beyond description.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At that same moment:
X was seriously upset with Hedgehog X's impersonation of him.
Hedgehog X rented a pile of porno's on X's account. Now it wasn't
the fact that he had done that which upset X. It was the fact that
he wouldn't be able to enjoy them before they had to be
returned.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Elsewhere:
The president was back to enjoying the "perks" of office, if you
catch my drift.
_________________
"The Daves didn't put up the fliers, so there's no guests. Gutter
never showed, so there's no beer. The equipment blew up so there's
no band. And I think Robby and Deej Might be dead." "What, no
beer?!?" |
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Brentai
Moretto no Shikata
Age:19 Gender:
Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 220
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| Posted: Sat Sep 07, 2002
11:44 am Post
subject: |
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Somewhere else, Brentai was
absolutely confused about the plot of KateStory, which he figured
was a good thing, but still way too confusing. It basically meant
he couldn't really continue any of the Hitler/Duck/Old Friend
Humping Disembodied Heads story arc, but seeing as how he had hit a
massive writer's block after the first entry anyway, it didn't turn
out to be a problem.
Brentai picked up his katana and tapped it on his shoulder a bit
contemplatively. What he was contemplating was, in fact, the
katana. Why did he have it? As far as swords go, katanas were about
his least favorite type, because he's just that much of an iconoclast, and also
because he genuinely just didn't like them. A good longsword is the
absolute best kind of sword to have around for its beauty and
workmanship, though if Brentai were to actually get into a fight
he'd rather be carrying a nice heavy falchion. Or, ideally, not a
sword at all but a pair of knives. Brentai'd raise some holy hell,
then.
Brentai got up from his laptop and paced around the room, tapping
the katana on his shoulder and contemplating. Why were there so
many author-insertions in KateStory? Granted, there was only one
left, so that was a stupid question. How should he add to the story
without resorting to senseless violence in the direction of other
authors? He half-finished this thought when a hole opened up
underneath him and sent him to Hell.
Hell consisted of an empty space consisting of Thad bitching about
not having enough sex, Stef bitching about not having enough sex,
and Bill Gates bitching about not having enough money. Despite them
all being dead by logical right Brentai still found a way to kill
everyone else and went back to contemplating that last question. He
looked around.
"Er, oops," he said. |
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Orthae
Untitled Level 14
Age:19 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 149
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Sat Sep 07, 2002
3:04 pm Post
subject: |
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With Brentai rampadly
murdering dead souls, Thad continued to bitch about not having sex.
Stef then had an epiphany, Why not offer Thad, the amazing Mr. H's
disembodied head?
"Why not have relations with the Amazing Mr. H??" spoke Stef in
sudden aspiration.
Thad quickly yelled after Brentai "Kill HER!! KILL HER!!!!!"
___________________________________________________________
Shuttering to life in a cold Sweat while sitting in front of a
glowing TV screen, Phoneixultama spurs to life. "What a fucking
Twisted dream, I will never fall asleep while playing SUPER HAPPY
FUN TURBO X ALPHA Z again" exclaims Phoneix. only To look up and
see........
_________________
I have bad GrAmMer bEcAuse I Hate you. We call it, Spite!
www.geocities.com/orthae182/
Malice for the ages |
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Detonator
Untitled Rank 18
Age:16 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 181
Location: Up in dis hizzouse
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| Posted: Sat Sep 07, 2002
8:28 pm Post
subject: |
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...A gumball machine humming
showtunes.
"Where am I?" PhoenixUltima gulped.
"I dunno. I was Hedgehog X once, but now I just don't know."
---------------------------------------
X had a revelation.
"If Hedgehog X is dead, why is he ordering porn on Earth?"
He thought a moment.
"Hedgehog X ISN'T DEAD! He lied to me! He said he was!"
Just then Hedgehog X entered X's apartment with a stack of
magazines.
"Just went to the ol' porno store, X." He slammed down the
magazines on the table in front of X, "You can read them if you
want, but they're due back in 20 minutes.
X stared at X.
"Hedgehog?"
"Yes?"
"Aren't you dead?"
"Sure."
"THEN WHY ARE YOU ALIVE?"
"Curses!"
"I knew it! An IMPOSTOR!"
The impostor looked around nervously.
"You... you will never find out who I am!"
"We'll see about that!" X grabbed a chunk of the imposter's hair.
"OUCH!"
Except it was X that was hurting. The real X. Not the hedgehog
looking fellow.
X gaped at the hedgehog spines sticking in his arm.
"Why... why was I programmed to feel PAIN?!"
The imposter rolled his eyes.
"I'm a hedgehog you idiot. Touching me hurts."
"But you're an imposter! "
"Yes, but... BYE!" The imposter ran for the door.
"Oh no you don't! I equip myself with BUBBLE LEAD!"
Nothing happened.
"Shit, has it been a year already? Shit."
The imposter was gone.
"Shit..."
--------------------------------------------------
The Mother of Plot Connection appeared! COMMAND?
:ask katestory plot
I don't know what "plot" is.
:ask katestory shit
Okay, here's the shit on katestory. Ever since the gumball machine
fiasco, Hedgehog X has been dead. After that, an imposter has been
ordering porn and checking out Mr. H's reincarnation lab in his
name. MAKE A CONNECTION, STUPID.
The Mother of Plot Connection dissapeared!
:kill self
You need rope.
_________________
...On second thought, scratch that. |
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Thad
Untitled Level 14
Age:19 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 142
Location: 1611 Uranus Avenue
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| Posted: Sat Sep 07, 2002
9:06 pm Post subject:
The guacamole was shedding its light silently... |
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X ran out into the rain. He
quickly double-checked to verify that it wasn't magic rain. It
wasn't.
Then he had an idea.
He must KILL THE RAIN and GAIN ITS POWER.
X started unloading powered-up plasma balls into the surrounding
raindrops.
Meanwhile, a block away, Jojo the Flippin' Elf neatly folded his
Hedgehog X costume and threw it in a dumpster.
--------------------------------------------------
WHO was the X in heaven? Was he, indeed, the one, true HEDGEHOG X
pretending to be X? Or was he X himself from 15 minutes in the
future?
WHO was Maleophonix the Singing Candy Machine? Was he, in fact, the
one, true HEDGEHOG X, transformed into Maleophonix the Singing
Candy machine? If so, how had he come back from the dead? He had
exploded...hadn't he?
And really...what the fuck was all that Hitler/Ducky sex about,
anyway?
KateStory had degenerated into incomprehensible chaos.
FINALLY.
It sure took them long enough.
--------------------------------------------------
A bowl of guacamole sat on the table, quietly menacing. Uncle Ben
had left it there days ago. He had repeatedly promised to clean it
up, but so far had only put the lid back on when it turned
brown.
--------------------------------------------------
Billy ordered a stiff drink.
"Kelly's a bug," he noted, "and that little plot point seems to've
been pushed to the background." He downed his stiff drink promptly,
whereafter he promptly passed out.
"YES," hissed the twisted and evil Dr. Wily, removing his bartender
mask and wiggling his eyebrows seductively. "With the capture of
Billy...NOW THE WORLD IS MINE!"
--------------------------------------------------
What does Billy von Garda have to do with Dr. Wily's twisted and
evil scheme?
What the fuck is up with this "Kelly is a bug" plot, anyway? When
will somebody finally decide the plot's worth resolving and let
Kelly go back to her job in the Spam factory?
Will X beat the fuck out of the rain and gain its power? Or will he
give up, go back home, and thumb through pseudo-HX's stack of Huge
Knockers, and return them in twenty minutes?
Find out the answer to none of these questions whatsoever when the
next drunken hillbilly writes the next completely incomprehensible
chapter of...KATESTORY XII! <Thunderclap...HOOOOOO!!!!>
_________________
I hate you all.
Thad
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Thad
Untitled Level 14
Age:19 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 142
Location: 1611 Uranus Avenue
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| Posted: Sat Sep 14, 2002
7:38 pm Post subject:
ACTION-PACKED RETURN! |
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Thad sat poring over a
pamphlet titled So What the Fuck Is My Major Now? It had been
nearly a week since he had single-handedly ruined KateStory. Now,
drastic action must be taken...it was time...for a DOUBLE-POST.
--------------------------------------------------
Dr. Wily steepled his hands in a twisted and evil fashion, and did
the Evil Villain Hand Thing.
Billy von Garda lay in the corner, bound and gagged and looking
extremely pissed. Dr. Wily waggled his eyebrows at Billy
seductively.
Suddenly, a dark, six-legged shape dropped from the ceiling.
"A GIANT ROACH!" Dr. Wily shouted, twistedly and evilly.
"Wh -- whuh?" Stoner-Guy lifted his head and took notice at this
proclamation.
Stoner-Guy did not have time to process the situation at hand
before a familiar blue shape burst through the wall and shouted "OH
YEAH!"
"Thank you, friendly cockroach!" X said. "You have led me directly
to the stronghold of Dr. Wily, in defiance of all proper
chronology!" He leveled his X-Buster and a steely gaze at Dr. Wily
and said, "Eat logical impossibility, you son of a bitch."
"Not so fast!" Dr. Wily said in a twisted and evil voice. "Look
over there!"
"WHERE?!" X shouted, and whirled in the direction Wily had pointed.
Wily proceeded to escape.
"Greetings, X," said a figure who just so happened to be in the
direction Wily had pointed. "I am...REVERSE COCKROACH." It bears
noting that Reverse Cockroach was not the same cockroach as the
giant cockroach who had entered earlier. The latter was, of course,
Kelly in cockroach form.
"YOU WILL DIE, MAVERICK!" X screamed.
"Uh, wait," Reverse Cockroach protested. "I'm not a Maverick."
"Silence, Maverick!" X shouted. "You must be RETIRED! EAT BURNING
RAIN DEATH!"
"Burning rain death?" Reverse Cockroach asked meekly.
"Nmmmf mjk rm?!" Billy gasped into his gag.
X jumped into the air and body-slammed Reverse Cockroach from
above.
"Look, I'm sure we can -- OW! -- work this out sensibly," Reverse
Cockroach suggested. "OW! Now really, there's no need for --
OW!"
At last, X's repeating Rain Bodyslam caused Reverse Cockroach to
explode in a shower of flame and sparks.
"I will acquire his weapon," X said dramatically, and did. "I have
acquired...the COCKROACH REVERSE!" He proceeded to fire his new
weapon at the nearest cockroach, which reverted to Kelly.
"Hey, how 'bout that," X said, and beamed out.
Kelly looked at Billy. Billy hoped she was thinking that she'd sure
like to have some variety of wild bondage sex with him immediately
while he was all tied up. Horrifyingly, Thad ended his narrative
and left the continuation up to the freaks who had written the sex
scene between the poor innocent(?) Jewish girl and Hitler's
head.
_________________
I hate you all.
Thad
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Stiv
I think it was Satan
Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 344
Location: Secret Underground Snowbase Box
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| Posted: Sat Sep 14, 2002
8:35 pm Post
subject: |
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Well, now you've gone and made me cry. Jesus. Didn't
you notice this thing was dead anyway? NOW IT'S DEADDER THAN
ME.
And with that, Hitler spontaneously combusted. Again.
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Brentai
Moretto no Shikata
Age:19 Gender:
Joined: 20 Jul 2002
Posts: 220
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| Posted: Sat Sep 14, 2002
9:39 pm Post
subject: |
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Brentai had not, in fact,
single-handedly destroyed KateStory, but had done a great deal more
for its unavoidable demise than anybody else by merit of having
resurrected and subsequently abandoned it. He looked around.
At this unspecified point in time Brentai was standing in the
middle of a ghastly cathedral which he was not wont to describe,
seeing as how most anybody else could do it and better. Kelly was
no longer a bug, Billy was in bondage, and from where Brentai was
standing, all loose threads had been tied up or, in many more
places, cut off. Except for one.
Standing in front of Brentai was a small malformed bat named
KateStory.
"RRRRRRRRRRRRRAGH!" screamed KateStory, hoping that would be
sufficient to make its point. Of course, it was going to continue
whether the point was made or not. And so it did.
"I thought I would just give up, oh yes. Just flit on to story
afterlife and leave my archives up on Thad's site to be spat on.
And then what happens?"
Brentai yawned. He knew this part.
"I am quite maliciously yanked back into existence by an unseen
force. On, I should add, a message board unfamiliar with my proper
care and handling. And who should I see thrusting me into such a
position without so much as an explanation of what you're doing?"
"Look..."
"GRAAAAAAAGH!"
"Look, we all know the bit. How about I just kill you one last time
with this Banal Douglas Adams Reference?"
KateStory tried to balk, but was cut off by a swift movement by
Brentai wherein he span around, pulled out his Banal Douglas Adams
Reference, and sliced KateStory neatly in two in one movement.
And that, as they say, is that.
Somewhere, sometime, a different girl named Kelly was having an
adventure, but that is somebody else's problem. |
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Detonator
Untitled Rank 18
Age:16 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 181
Location: Up in dis hizzouse
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| Posted: Sat Sep 14, 2002
10:14 pm Post
subject: |
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Meanwhile...
A lone figure quietly looked upon the glowing computer screen.
| Quote: |
"KateStory tried to balk, but was cut off by a
swift movement by Brentai wherein he span around, pulled out his
Banal Douglas Adams Reference, and sliced KateStory neatly in two
in one movement.
And that, as they say, is that." |
Through the dim light that radiated from the monitor, the figure
cracked a smile.
_________________
...On second thought, scratch that. |
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Thad
Untitled Level 14
Age:19 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 142
Location: 1611 Uranus Avenue
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| Posted: Sat Sep 14, 2002
11:14 pm Post
subject: |
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EPILOGUE(?)
"I don't know," hazarded Thad, "I rather liked it."
At this juncture, the boards bugged and dropped several dozen
carriage returns. This was not a great omen to start off with.
"I rather liked it, dammit!" Thad said, stubbornly and more
forcibly, just to spite the boards. "Okay, so starting it and then
bailing was, perhaps, not the best route to take, but I was HIGHLY
entertained by the fact that you dropped it in the middle of a
bunch of newbies without any kind of explanation. And a couple of
them caught on quite quickly."
He leaned back in his chair and crossed his hands behind his head.
"Okay, I'll warrant that that Hitler/ducky sex shit was more than
just a teensy bit bizarre, and I don't think Stef really knew how
to handle it, but I've got to admit that it was pretty damn funny
and we got quite a few posts out of it. ...And the introduction of
images in the story is going to make this a pain in the ass to
archive, but I quite liked it.
"And, all in all," he noted, "there are, what, nearly forty posts
here not including the ones where all the newbies tried to figure
out what the fuck was going on. Uh, say...should I include those?
Because I haven't so far. ...Anyway...there are about as many
actual story posts here as there were in 11, and they're not all by
the same three guys.
At this point, the boards (or perhaps Opera) bugged again, filling
the text field with Enter characters. Thad tried to offset the
effect, did a text selection, and managed to obliterate everything
he had written.
Deftly, Thad hit Start-D a couple times, and then Ctrl-Z,
miraculously retrieving everything he had written, and decided it
was best not to tempt fate any further. He closed by saying, "Hey
-- LOGIC wasn't in this one."
Push the button, Frank.
- - - > * < - - -
"A Turn for the worst" the Amazing Mr. H exclamed as he rolled over
and hugged Stef.
_________________
I hate you all.
Thad
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Random-Guy
Super Fag Deluxe
Age:21 Gender:
Joined: 21 Jul 2002
Posts: 187
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| Posted: Sun Sep 15, 2002
2:43 pm Post
subject: |
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| And then the universe
imploded. |
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